


Boxes

by turps



Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-07
Updated: 2011-05-07
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:49:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turps/pseuds/turps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A homeless AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boxes

Chris watches eyes half closed as he leans against the wall. He´s half hidden in shadows and his foot moves as he waits, dirty sneaker tapping against wet concrete. Chris can feel water seeping in and makes a mental note to cut more cardboard for insoles, the next job on his list after he´s done here.

The kid he´s been watching for the last five minutes is still standing next to the dumpster and Chris tenses when Elroy stands up, letting his ratty blanket fall to the ground. The kid looks scared and Chris doesn´t blame him. Elroy´s enough to give anyone nightmares with his bloated body, red- rimmed eyes and greasy hair. But the kid stays put, either too stupid or too scared to run when he has the chance.

Fuck,’ Chris curses when he sees the kid smile. Doesn´t he know better than to smile at strange men? Especially ones like Elroy. Chris knows about Elroy´s _specialist_ porn collection, had even woken to the feel of fat hands on his body. A broken nose and a kick to the balls had made sure Elroy didn´t try that one with Chris again, but the kid apparently doesn´t know any better. Is still standing there, all white teeth, curly hair and bravado. Chris has to act, and fast.

Chris smiles himself as he steps from the shadows. He´s pleased to see Elroy blanch a little so smiles wider, showing all his teeth, then stops when he´s within kicking distance. I thought I told you what I´d do next time you went near kids.’

Elroy steps back a little, then looks at the kid who´s stopped smiling at last. Fuck you, Kirkpatrick. You can´t tell me what to do, you´re not leader of this place. You´re scum like the rest of us round here. If I want to talk to the kid I will. Got that?’

Elroy jabs a dirty finger at Chris´ chest, and Chris reacts instantly. Snarling, he grabs Elroy´s fingers, bending them back with brutal force. One, I may be scum but I´m a better class of scum than you. Two, don´t touch me. Got that?’ Jerking at the fingers one more time, Chris pushes Elroy away from him, then turns to the kid. Come on. You don´t want to stay here, believe me.’

"For a moment Chris thinks the kid is just going to stand in the alley clutching his bag to his chest. Then the youngster straightens up and smiles suddenly. From a distance people might have thought he was happy, but Chris knows better. He can see the shivers that run through the kid´s body and the paleness of his face. He looks impossibly young and makes Chris feel impossibly old, but there´s no way Chris is going to leave him with Elroy.

Come on, kid. Come with me. You´ll be safe, I promise.’ Chris starts to move and he sighs in relief when the kid follows.

I´m not a kid.’ The words are soft and Chris keeps walking.

My name´s Justin.’ The words are louder this time, and Chris rubs a dirty hand across his eyes, stopping to look at the kid -- Justin. Who´s following behind, bag still clutched in his arms.

You are a kid. You proved that when you walked into alleys like that and smiled at a guy like Elroy. You should be at home tucked up in bed, not on the streets.’

Yeah? Well, I´m not, and I´m not a kid and I can look after myself.’ Justin sounds annoyed as he starts to stride away. For a moment Chris thinks about letting him go; it´s late and he needs to meet JC soon, but the streets aren´t safe and Chris won´t forgive himself if another kid gets hurt.

KidJustin, wait.’ Justin stops and Chris relaxes a little. Look, I´m sorry, okay. Just come with me, at least for tonight. I have to meet someone, then we´ll go to the soup kitchen. You look hungry.’

You know where to get soup? I´m starving, yo. We haven´t eaten since yesterday morning when we ate the last of the candy bars.’

What do you mean, we?’ Chris´ worry intensifies and he looks round to see if there´s a fresh-faced girl somewhere.

I mean, Lance, my bofriend. He´s waiting at a park a few blocks that way. I came to look for a shelter we´d heard about.’

Chris catches the slip but doesn´t say anything. Justin looks scared, as if the offer of soup´s going to be taken away now that Chris knows there are two of them. Not that Chris would take the offer away. The shelter´s five blocks that way, but you won´t get a place. You have to be there first thing, and it´s not a place you want to be anyway. We´ll go get your Lance, then meet JC.’

It´s cold and Chris shivers as he starts to walk again, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes. His coat is threadbare in places and he´s damp after a day busking in drizzly rain that has never stopped. Only a few coins are in his pocket -- people don´t want to listen to him sing when it´s wet -- but there should be enough for coffee after the soup kitchen, one of the few treats he can still afford.

Chris looks back when he realises he´s alone, then watches as Justin takes a step toward him, before stepping back; standing motionless looking at Chris. Are you coming or what?’

It´s justhow do I know I can trust you? You could be taking me to have your wicked way with me, or rob me, or stuff.’ Justin looks from Chris to where they´d left Elroy, obviously torn about following or not.

Chris looks at Justin, then shrugs. It´s up to you, kid. Come with me or don´t. I´ll tell you where the soup kitchen is and be on my way if you want.’

You´re not going to rob me or anything?’ Justin questions, and Chris resists the urge to roll his eyes.

No, I won´t rob you. As for the anything, you´re a bit young for my tastes, kid. Now come on if you´re coming.’ Chris starts walking, relieved when he hears Justin start to follow. And hey, good call.’

What.’ Justin sounds puzzled.

Not trusting me. It was the right thing to do.’

Oh right, thanks.’ Justin grins happily then remains silent as they walk. Justin is a step behind Chris, obviously ready to run at a moments notice, and that suits Chris fine. It means Justin has a little common sense at least, and also means Chris doesn´t have to talk. Something he doesn´t have the energy or desire to do after singing all day.

There he is.’ Justin says before running toward someone who´s sitting on a bench, hunched up against the drizzle that still falls. Chris squints as he looks at the person Justin´s running to, then feels like walking away when he finally sees him clearly. Lance looks almost as young as Justin, and Chris wants to swear. Two pretty boys together. They´ll be chewed up and spat out within days.

Chris doesn´t want to see the innocence stripped from their faces, but as he watches them embrace, holding each other for a touch too long, Chris knows he has no choice.

I guess this is Lance.’ They spring apart and Chris feels his belly clench when he sees the way they stand side by side, hands brushing together.

Yes, sir, I´m Lance. Pleased to meet you.’ Lance sounds puzzled but still sticks out his hand. Chris steels himself and grips it briefly, then steps back as Justin starts to explain, words tripping over themself in his excitement.

Lance, this isactually I don´t know who it is, but it doesn´t matter. He knows where to get food, and he saved me from this scary guy. You should have seen him.’

Chris,’ Chris interjects. I´m Chris and we have to go if you want soup. I still have to get JC.’

Nice to meet you, Chris.’ Lance doesn´t offer his hand again but Chris can tell he wants to. Instead he picks up a battered suitcase and stands ready to go.

So let´s go get this JC, then we can go get food.’ Justin moves as he talks and Chris has to hurry to catch up.

He´s this way, come on.’ Chris takes the lead and keeps walking, ignoring Lance and Justin who whisper behind him. It´s too cold to dawdle, so they soon reach the street where JC´s working. Chris sees him kneeling on the sidewalk and feels his chest loosen at the sight. Walking closer, Chris hears Justin and Lance gasp in surprise and feels like doing the same himself. JC has excelled himself; the sidewalk´s a riot of colour, unicorns and rainbows entangled with dragons that snort flames. A total contrast to the grey damp concrete that surrounds it.

JC,’ says Chris softly, kneeling to get his attention. As usual, JC´s in his own world. His fingers are coated with chalk and his hair has streaks of red and blue running through it. His nose is yellow and Chris gently cleans off the smear of colour with the sleeve of his coat.

It´s time to go already?’

Chris nods and starts to pack up JC´s chalks, pushing them into the box before emptying the coins in the hat into his hand. The coins don´t even cover Chris´ palm, but there´s enough. They´ll eat in the morning at least.

JC, this is Justin and Lance. Justin, Lance, this is JC. We hang together; he watches my back.’

Yeah right.’ JC laughs, wiping his hands on his white t-shirt, leaving multi-coloured streaks across his chest and belly. You watch mine, you mean. Hi.’

JC waves at the kids then smiles hugely when Justin moves closer, admiring the picture.

Hi. Your picture´s beautiful, but won´t it wash away in the rain?’

JC looks up as if he´s just noticed the rain, then shrugs. I´ll do another in the morning. You coming with us?’

Erm. I think so.’ Lance sounds unsure and moves closer to Justin. They look young and lost despite Justin´s air of confidence, and Chris knows JC has adopted them already.

Yeah, they´re coming with us.’

Good.’ JC smiles in satisfaction, giving Chris a look that makes him glow inside. We´ll get you some shelter later; I think Joey has a spare box. You´ll like Joey, he´s nice. But first, soup. It´s chicken night, right, Chris?’

It´s Monday, so it´s chicken night.’ Chris looks at the picture one last time, then starts to walk away. JC is talking to Lance and Justin, happy to have someone new to talk art with, but Chris stays silent. He´s got four people to look after now  he´s never felt so old and worn out.

~*~*~*~

The line´s long at the soup kitchen, but Chris waits patiently as they move forward. He´s hungry  it´s been hours since he last ate  and his stomach growls as the smell of chicken soup fills the air.

Justin is looking around, eyes wide as he tries not to stare at the people who line up. He looks shocked and he bites at his lower lip as he glances at the men in their ragged clothes, the women holding bags containing all their belongings. Chris tries to remember if he was ever that wide-eyed and innocent and decides he never was. Even when he did have a home, he was never innocent; even his happy memories are edged with grey.

Lance holds his suitcase with a white knuckled grip. He´s clearly terrified and stands hip to hip with Justin, eyes lowered against the blatant assessing stares they´re attracting from some. Chris can hear the whispers _Fresh meat. Look at them._ and he glares at anyone that dares look too long. The word needs to go out that Justin and Lance are under his protection, so he moves close to them, giving JC a quick smile when he flanks them on the other side.

They stand in a group and Chris looks around, meeting the stares of the others, silently showing the newbies are under his care. He knows the message is understood when people look away, only interested in their food once more. The code of the streets is a shaky one, but it´s there, and Chris knows Lance and Justin are safe for the moment.

Do none of these people have homes?’ Lance asks. He almost whispers and Chris looks sharply at him, ready with a sarcastic reply, but JC catches his eye, shaking his head and Chris bites back the words. Lance is just a kid, he doesn´t understand.

No, none of them do. They sleep on the streets like Chris and I do. Maybe some of them are in squats or have a place in a shelter, but none have homes.’ JC sounds sad and Chris marvels yet again at his ability to care for those around them.

The line moves forward and Chris can finally see the volunteers with their huge vats of soup. Justin, Lance and JC are all staring at the vats too and JC runs his tongue over his bottom lip. Chris knows JC is starving; neither of them ate during the day, and the muffins they had for breakfast were a long time ago.

Listen, when you get your food, stick close to one of us. Whatever you do, don´t walk away.’ Chris hopes they understand how serious his warning is. People have been attacked for less than a bowl of soup and a slice of bread. Lance and Justin nod, but don´t look away from the trestle tables where soup is being served. Chris fights the urge to shake them, to make them understand that this is serious. But the urge passes as soon as it flares and he reaches for the bowl JC is holding, moving closer to Justin as JC presses closer to Lance.

Chris holds his bowl out to be filled, mouth watering at the thought of his first hot meal of the day. How´re you doing?’ the server asks, the same question Chris gets asked every time. It doesn´t matter who serves him; they all ask. Sometimes Chris wants to answer honestly, that his whole body aches with cold and weariness, or ask them why they care. But he never does; just answers that he´s okay and moves away, trying to forget the look of pity he sees in their eyes.

JC is chattering to his server, explaining about the picture he created, bowl waving in the air as he describes dragon and unicorns. Chris sees some of the soup slop over the side of the bowl and JC stops talking when it hits his wrist, licking at his skin with an apologetic smile. Lance and Justin´s bowls are full, so Chris grabs slices of bread for them all from a heaped platter, then follows JC who´s herding Lance and Justin to their normal spot near the wall.

JC gracefully sinks to the ground, back to the wall.

You can let go of those, no one will take them.’

He gestures towards the boys' bags with his chin. Lance looks unsure but carefully releases the suitcase he has been clutching one handed before sitting on it. Justin drops his bag, then sits next to Lance, gulping his soup even as he sits.

Chris hands out the bread before easing himself down, knees popping as he does so. Chris holds his bowl with two hands, enjoying the heat that warms his frozen fingers. Lance holds his bowl but doesn´t eat and Chris realises that he´s waiting for everyone to start in some kind of insane politeness thing.

I´d eat that before it goes cold,’ Chris says and Lance immediately brings the bowl to his lips, drinking steadily. Shaking his head, Chris eats too, sipping slowly, trying to make the meal last as long as possible. Justin´s finished already, using his finger to mop up any last drips, and Lance is not far behind, eyes half closed as he chews his bread. Chris still has all his bread and half his soup. He looks at the kids who´re holding their empty bowls and staring at the vats once more, then looks at his own bread.

Here, share this.’ Chris hands his bread to Justin, who looks at him in confusion.

But, it´s yours.’

It´s okay. I ate earlier.’ The lie trips easily from Chris´ tongue and Justin accepts it without question, tearing the bread in half before giving some to Lance. JC makes a soft sound of protest and Chris looks at him, mouthing _don´t_. He knows JC, knows he´s feeling guilty that he ate all his food, but Chris wouldn´t have let JC share anyway. JC´s too thin; he needs to eat.

Draining the last of his soup, Chris stands and takes all the empty bowls back to the table. There´s still a line snaking along the sidewalk; men and women all waiting for their soup. None of them look at Chris as he walks past; he´s just another face in the crowd and that´s how he likes it. It´s safer to blend in; Chris learned that the hard way.

A shout attracts Chris´ attention, and he looks around to see JC standing with his arm pressed against the throat of a man, who´s held against the wall. JC looks furious, glaring at the man who´s turning an alarming shade of red. Running toward them, Chris can hear JC as he gets closer.

How dare you touch that? It´s not yours,’ JC presses harder for a second, you´ve ten seconds to get out of my sight.’ JC drops his arm and the man runs away without a backward glance.

You okay?’ Chris questions, relaxing when JC picks up Justin´s bag which is lying at his feet.

I´m fine. He thought he could take Justin´s bag. Here.’ Justin passes the bag to Justin who´s standing, white faced next to Lance. They look exhausted  heavy-eyed and pale  and Chris knows he won´t get his coffee tonight. He needs to sort some shelter out for them. Get them somewhere they can sleep before the rain gets any heavier.

We going to Denny´s tonight?’ JC asks, and Chris shakes his head. JC looks disappointed, probably thinking about the hot chocolate he usually has each night. But Chris knows he understands.

Naw. We need to get back to the alley, see if Joey still has that spare box and get these two set up.’ Chris thinks about what he needs to get, the box if Joey still has it, some plastic, blankets if the kids don´t have any.

I think Joey still has it, he hid it behind his box. Joey´s nice; he´ll let you have it.’ JC talks to Lance as he gently pushes him to start him walking. Then when it´s done I´ll decorate it for you, make it beautiful. I bet you like horses. Would like you your box to have horses on the side? Maybe running in the ocean, and you, Justin, I think I´ll paint stars for you, universes exploding, at the weekend. Yes, that´s what I´ll do.’

JC is excited and Chris bites back a laugh at the look on Lance´s face as JC walks beside him, hands whirling as he explains his ideas. Lance looks toward Justin for help. but all Justin does is shrug his shoulders, as confused as Lance.

Chris thinks about changing the subject, but JC is animated, face alight as he explains his world of colour and beauty. Chris loves him like this, when JC manages to shut the realities of their world away. When he´s like this, Chris can almost see the colours and magic himself, and for precious minutes his world changes, grey tinged with brilliant colour.

We´re here,’ Chris says when they reach the fence and JC falls silent, looking around the same as Chris. Lance and Justin look confused but they stay quiet as Chris finally pulls a section of the fence aside when he´s sure no one is around. JC wiggles through the small gap, then beckons for the others to follow. Justin goes first, then Lance. There´s a tense moment when Lance´s case gets stuck, but Chris pushes from his side and Lance pulls from the other, and at last it´s pulled through. Chris slips through then, letting the fence fall back into place.

As soon as the fence is back in place Chris feels safer. Their shelters are hidden well and it feels like he´s coming home, even if that home is only a structure made of cardboard and plastic.

Chris, JC. That you?’ Justin and Lance jump when Joey shouts, but JC smiles, then runs around the corner. Chris can hear him babble about new kids and soup and Lance and Justin and they´re nice and Chris, then Joey strides round the corner, stopping suddenly when he sees them.

You been picking up strays again, man?’ Joey questions. But he´s smiling as he says it and Chris knows it´s okay, Joey doesn´t mind sharing their space. Come on, don´t just stand there. Let me escort you to our humble homes.’ Joey hams it up with a low bow and Justin laughs before following. Lance follows too, leaving Chris bringing up the rear. When he turns the corner, he sees Lance and Justin standing, mouths open as they look around. Chris can´t blame them; JC has decorated the place in his own special way. Free CDs hang from a string between two drainpipes, twisting and gleaming in the low light. Joey´s shelter is covered in drawings of Superman and disaster scenes. Chris and JC´s box is a mish mash of pictures, things JC has to get down. Unicorns stand next to space rockets that have sparkly fairies on them. There´s even a portrait of Chris, but Chris keeps that at the back. He hates the way he looks, all dark eyes and sullen expression. The brick walls are covered in paintings, colours vivid and faded in turn depending on when they were done. Chris forgets how the place must look to others until he sees it through new eyes.

It´s fantastic, isn´t it?’ Joey is laughing at Lance and Justin´s open -mouthed expression. C´s awesome.’

JC takes the compliment with a blush, then looks behind Joey´s shelter, pulling a folded down box out. Is it okay if Justin and Lance have this? They need a shelter.’

Chris knows Joey won´t say no, but still it´s a relief when he nods before helping JC push it back into shape. It´s a big box, large enough for two people to squeeze into; Chris knows that, it´s the same kind he and JC use. Seeing Joey and JC have the box shaping under control, Chris pulls a sheet of plastic off the top of his and JC´s shelter, then throws it over the box once Joey has it in place.

Lance and Justin still stand side by side, their fingers brushing together, looking completely overwhelmed. They both stare as Chris pulls the plastic into place and Chris remembers another time, another place many years ago. He knows how frightened they are, remembers the utter terror and confusion of that first night sleeping rough and his heart aches for them. But they´re lucky in one way, at least they´re safe.

I know it doesn´t look much,’ Chris says, as he weighs down the plastic with bricks but believe me, it could be worse.’

He´s right.’ JC says as he moves in front of Justin and Lance. I know things are scary, and that you never thought you´d be sleeping in a box on the streets one day. I mean, no one does do they? But we´ll look after you, I promise.’

Justin and Lance still look frightened, but Chris expects that, he´d be more worried if they weren´t.

You got any blankets?’ Joey asks, and Chris hears him sigh when they both reply no. Joey kneels and pulls one of his own blankets from his shelter as well as a pile of old newspapers. JC does the same in his and Chris´ shelter, and working together they soon have the new shelter lined with newspaper and blankets.

Go round that corner for a bathroom if you need to.’ Chris points at a distant corner, then pushes the two to their shelter when they just stand still, almost asleep on their feet. Go on, get in and sleep. Whatever you do, don´t go wandering on your own. JC and I are on your right, Joey on your left.’

Thank you.’ Lance smiles, polite to the last, then drops to his knees and enters the shelter.

Yeah, thanks, man.’ Justin smiles too, before following Lance. Crouching, Chris frowns when he sees the way they´ve lying, curled up facing each other, but with no parts of their bodies touching. Standing Chris pulls the plastic over the entrance to protect against the persistent drizzle, then stands, relaxing against JC when he´s cuddled from behind.

You going to let them stay?’

For now. They need to go home, C. They´re babies.’

Yeah, they are.’ JC sounds sad and Chris hates he´s caused that. Turning, he quickly kisses JC on the lips. Coming to bed?’

JC nods, so Chris waves goodnight to Joey who´s lying in his own shelter reading an old newspaper by the light of his torch. Then he follows JC into their shelter, resting his head against JC´s chest. Chris is cold and hungry, but as he listens to JC´s heart, he knows there´s nowhere he´d rather be.

~*~*~*~

Chris wakes when the sun shines in his face. He yawns, rubs at his eyes, then gently detangles himself from JC´s hold. Squirming from under the blankets, Chris kneels, then covers JC back up as he mumbles in his sleep. Each movement is painful as Chris backs out of their shelter; his muscles are stiff after yet another night sleeping on the hard ground, so he stands and stretches, grimacing as his joints pop into place.

Damn, that´s nasty,’ Joey says and Chris flips him off as he continues to stretch. Joey grins in response and keeps putting magazines into his bag, singing softly to himself as he works.

Rubbing at his eyes again, Chris bends and looks in at Justin and Lance. They´re curled so tight he can hardly tell one from another, but he can see their hands, tightly clenched together as if they have to touch even in sleep.

You taking them today?’ Joey has stopped packing his magazines and is looking at Chris.

Guess so. It´s not like I can leave them alone. Elroy saw Justin yesterday; that fucker was going to try it on before I got in his face.’ Chris moves to sit next to Joey and picks a magazine off the pile, scanning through it even though he´s read it cover to cover multiple times already.

Elroy? I thought that freak was still in jail.’ Joey sounds concerned and Chris shares the sentiment.

Yeah, I know. I´m just pleased I was walking past when Justin ran into him. The stupid kid stood there and grinned at him. Elroy was practically drooling.’ Chris scowls at the memory, foot tapping in agitation. I´m gonna talk to them today, see if I can get them to go home.’

What about your spot? You know someone will take it if you´re not there,’ Joey says, then falls quiet, obviously thinking as he packs the last of his magazines. They can come with me. It´ll be okay.’

Chris is tempted. The last thing he wants to do is convince the kids they have to go home, but they´re his responsibility, and Joey needs to work. He can´t sell his magazines and watch those two at the same time. Not yet anyway. Chris knows how long it´s taken Joey to get where he is now, he can´t have Justin and Lance hanging around. Not when this job is so new, and Joey has so much to prove. No, it´s okay. They can come with me and hang, be my ready-made audience. Hell, maybe it´ll encourage other people to stop.’

You sure?’

Positive.’ Chris says it to convince himself as much as Joey, then puts the magazine he´s holding into the bag before standing. I´m gonna go wake JC. You want to get those two up?’

Sure.’ Joey stands and looks into the new shelter. Chris hears him say _Come on, you have to get up_ and Justin complains, saying he doesn´t want to. Chris laughs to himself, then ducks into his shelter. JC has cocooned himself in the blankets, the top of his head the only part of him visible, so Chris lies next to him, pulling the blankets down so he can see his face.

JC. JC. You have to get up.’ Chris shakes JC gently, then moves so he´s only inches from JC´s face. JC. Come on, you have to get up now if you want to get washed.’

JC says something, Chris doesn´t know what, it sounds like gibberish muffled in the blankets, so he moves closer still, kissing JC on the lips. Come on, JC. It´s morning and we need to get moving soon.’

At last JC opens sleepy heavy-lidded eyes. He squints and yawns before smiling, the huge crinkled-eyed grin that Chris loves so much. Hey. Morning.’

JC pushes the blankets down further so his arms are free and pulls Chris into a tight hug. He kisses him softly, his tongue ghosting across Chris´ lips, slipping inside for a moment, and Chris willingly opens his mouth.

Jeeze, you two. There´s kids here, you know’ Joey says, expression amused as he peers into their shelter.

Justin is standing next to him, eyes wide. I´m not a kid, and hey, don´t stop on my account.’

Chris pretends he doesn´t see the blatant curiosity on Justin´s face, hoping it´ll put Justin off from asking questions, but somehow he knows it´s a futile hope.

You are so a kid, now go and see if Lance is up. We need to go soon.’ Joey pulls Justin away with a wink and JC laughs against Chris´ skin. Did you see his face? Poor baby.’

Chris laughs too, but stops before backing out of the shelter. Justin is sitting on the ground, bag in his lap as he rummages through it. Lance is next to him, hair sticking up in all directions. He´s holding his case again, and Chris wonders what´s inside that´s so important.

So where´s the nearest public showers? We´ve been using the ones at the bus stations we stop at’ Justin says as he pulls out a blue toothbrush. Chris just looks at him, unable to speak. Eventually JC replies, expression soft as he explains.

There isn´t one, and even if there was we couldn´t afford to use them each day.’ Justin looks horrified and JC hurries to reassure him. It´s okay, there´s a public bathroom close by. We go there and wash up. The attendant turns a blind eye as long as we clean up and get out before the real users start to arrive. It´s good. There´s hot water and sometimes there´s this pink soap that smells nice.’

I have to shower.’ Justin looks like he´s on the verge of tears, and JC is chewing on his fingers with distress. Angry words flood Chris´ mind and he clenches his fists, fingernails digging into flesh until he can speak without shouting.

Well, you can´t. This is the best we can do. You either do it this way or do without.’ The words are harsh and Chris hates the way Justin recoils from them before looking at the ground. Lance reaches for Justin´s shoulder, squeezing it, and Justin looks up.

Okay.’ He sounds resigned and it´s only JC´s hand on Chris´ waist that stops him walking away. Chris has just seen Justin´s innocence crack a little more and he´s the cause. It hurts, but Chris knows it´s only the beginning, and that hurts even more.

It´s not that bad, really.’ Joey pats Justin on the arm. You´ll get used to it. Then when we´re done, we´ll go get breakfast.’

Justin forces a smile, and JC smiles back before pulling a small bag printed with sunflowers out of their shelter. Here, put your wash stuff in with ours. You too, Lance.’

It´s okay, I´ll take this.’ Lance is shaking his head, holding onto his case even tighter.

Chris is about to argue, but Lance is glaring. There´s no way he´s going to leave his case and they don´t have time to persuade him. Okay, fine. It just means you have to drag it around all day.’

Shaking his head, Chris checks the shelters one last time, making sure the plastic covers the blankets, then moves toward the fence. At the entrance, he jumps and peeks over the top. There´s no one coming so he pulls the loose section aside and slides out. JC follows within seconds, then Justin. They have to drag Lance´s case through again but Chris says nothing, just starts walking quickly as soon as Joey hides the entrance.

Hey, wait up.’ JC runs to catch up, so Chris slows his pace until they´re walking hip to hip. JC says nothing at first, but Chris can tell he wants to. He´s a kid, that´s all.’

I know,’ Chris replies and he does know. Justin´s a kid and he should be at home where he can shower and sleep in a real bed and eat as much as he wants. Lance too; they shouldn´t be here. I´m going to try and make them go home.’

JC looks sympathetic. I hope you can. But don´t be mad if they won´t. There´s worse things than being homeless, you know?’

I know.’ Chris reaches for JC´s hand. Looks around, then stretches so he can quickly kiss him on his lips. I won´t get mad, but if there´s a possibility of them going back, they have to.’

Or point then toward one of the good shelters.’

Chris stops, at looks at JC. There are no good shelters.’ He says, flatly.

You know that´s not true’ JC says, and he squeezes Chris´ hand. There´s some wonderful shelters out there, wonderful people who´ll help kids like Lance and Justin.’

They didn´t help me, or you and Joey.’ Chris says. He doesn´t look at JC, he doesn´t have to, they´ve had this conversation a thousand times and JC´s never convinced Chris that the shelters and charity organisations can be a good thing; and he never will.

I never gave them a chance to help, you know that. As for Joey, he admits himself he was out of control. They tried, but Joey didn´t want help. As for you’ JC sighs and links his fingers through Chris´. I know you don´t trust anymore, and with good reason. But all shelters aren´t like that. Lance and Justin would be safe.’

Chris starts to walk, hand in hand with JC. He understands what JC is saying and he knows good shelters exist, he´s just never seen any himself. Chris trusts three people, Joey, JC and himself; anyone else is a threat. Meaning the kids stay where they´ll be safe, with them. There´s no guarantee, JC. It´s too much of a risk.’

JC doesn´t reply, just sighs and leans against Chris when they stop to let the others catch up. When they´re together JC knocks on the door to the public restrooms. Chris hears footsteps, then the door´s opened wide by Brad, who lets them in. He says nothing when he sees Justin and Lance, just gives his usual smile before going back to his small attendant´s room. As far as Brad´s concerned they can do what they like as long as he doesn´t see them doing it.

Chris immediately turns on the hot water faucet at a sink, letting the water heat up as he strips off his black t-shirt and jeans. He hangs them over a cubicle door, then pulls handfuls of paper towels from the dispenser. Chris hears JC hum happily and knows there´s pink soap today. He´s glad about that; he hates when he has to wash with nothing but water.

The water´s steaming, so Chris wets the towels, using them to scub at his body. JC and Joey are doing the same, both of them stripped to their underwear. Joey is singing again  some show tune this time  and JC´s joining in even though he doesn´t know the words. Chris starts to join in too; he loves this time, when they´re warm and semi-clean. He loves the feel of hot water against his skin and the smell of soap, so different to the usual smell of dirt and sweat they all carry. They usually joke and sing, all of them carefree in the precious minutes before they have to pull on grubby clothes.

I have shampoo.’ Chris looks up and sees Lance holding out a bottle. JC is wide-eyed, practically vibrating as he takes it. Shampoo is a rare luxury; what little money they do get goes on essentials like food.

Thank you,’ JC says. He hugs Lance, then sticks his head in the sink, soaking his hair. He´s stopped singing, just makes sighs of contentment as he lathers his hair over and over before rinsing it. Chris can´t stop watching him; he looks beautiful, all sharp lines and skin beaded with water. Justin watches too, until Lance nudges him sharply before rolling his eyes at Chris. Chris laughs out loud, ignoring Justin´s injured expression, instead concentrating on JC who´s squeezing his hair out over the sink.

Come here.’ JC beckons to Chris, then pushes him so he´s bent over the sink. Chris shivers when he feels the water flow over his head, then JC´s hands massaging shampoo into his hair. JC is standing directly behind Chris, his groin pressing against Chris´ ass. Chris can feel JC´s erection pressing against him, and he quickly becomes hard himself.

Hands gripping the sink, Chris concentrates on Justin and Lance´s feet, trying not to shiver as JC moves as he massages, then rinses Chris´ hair. At last JC says he´s done and Chris stands, flushing when he sees Justin staring at him.

You not washing up?’ Chris glares, then feels bad when Justin starts to pull off his clothes without a word. Lance is silent too, moving to the last sink in the row before washing himself with a small towel he takes from his case.

JC offers to wash Justin´s hair, but he says no, face bright red as he avoids Chris´ gaze. JC shrugs, going to Joey as Chris pulls on his clothes, grimacing at their dirty feel and musty smell.

I´m sorry.’ Chris turns and sees Justin looking at him. He looks so subdued that Chris feels like he´s kicked a puppy.

You don´t have anything to be sorry for.’ And he hasn´t, Chris knows that. You´ll soon learn. That is, if you stay here.’

We´re staying.’ Justin says, chin up, his mouth nothing but a thin line as he stares at Chris defiantly. Looking at him, Chris knows Justin won´t agree to go home yet, if Chris pushes Justin will run, taking Lance with him and that´s the worst thing that could happen. For now all Chris can do is keep him close, and hope he can change Justin´s mind with careful questioning.

Look, living rough isn´t a place for kids like you two. I bet your parents are looking for you.’

I doubt it.’ Justin´s eyes tear up again as he quickly looks at Lance, then back to Chris. We can´t go back, believe me.’

Chris does believe him, but he has to try one more time. Why? What´s so bad that you had to run away?’

Justin doesn´t speak, just looks at the floor as Chris watches him. Then he looks up and his eyes reflect so much pain that Chris almost recoils from it. I´ll tell you, but not here. It´s Lance´s story to tell too.’

Chris sees Lance look up at Justin´s words, but Lance says nothing, just starts drying his hair, hiding his face with his towel.

Okay, we´ll be going for breakfast after this; tell me then.’ Chris feels bad that he´s pushing so hard so he gives Justin a quick smile before going to dry his hair under the blowers. Chris needs to know their story; that way he can decided if they really can go back.

~*~*~*~

The café looks empty when they walk in, but Chris can hear Sally singing in the kitchen and the smell of bacon wafts through the air.

Hey, Sally. It´s us,’ Joey shouts as he carefully places his bag on a table before moving to the counter. Chris makes sure the kids have sat down before joining Joey, leaning over the counter so he can peer into the kitchen. Sally is cutting buns as slices of bacon sizzle in huge pans and Chris hears Joey´s stomach gurgle, then laughs as his own does the same.

You lot back again?’ Sally says as she flips bacon; she sounds annoyed, but Chris knows better so he grins at her when she looks their way to scowl.

We come to see you, beautiful. You know that.’ Joey lays it on thick and Chris waits for Sally to respond, the same way she´s done for the last eighteen months, ever since Joey started to come to the café with them. She doesn´t disappoint, flipping Joey off with one hand while turning bacon with the other. Joey hams it up, expression sorrowful, clutching at his heart as JC laughs from behind them.

You want the usual?’ Sally questions as she layers bacon on three buns.

We need two more today,’ Chris replies, then looks at Justin and Lance who´re whispering together at the table. Bacon sandwiches okay for you?’

Justin looks up and nods. He looks miserable; pressed close to Lance and Chris wishes he didn´t have to make them talk.

Been picking up strays again?’ Sally is standing at the counter, full plate in her hand. Joey takes it and goes to their table, and Chris watches as Justin and Lance cram the sandwiches in their mouths, taking huge bites despite the hot bacon. They´re babies, Chris.’

I know, that´s why they´re with me.’ Chris turns and looks at Sally, fingers tapping against the counter as she stares at him.

You couldn´t have taken them to a shelter? Or the police? Does it always have to be you?’ Sally sighs and places her hand over Chris´s. You can´t save everyone, honey. I wish you´d learn that.’

I know.’ Chris fights the urge to pull his hand from under Sally´s. She´s a close friend, has been for the last few years. But he hates the way she looks at him, like he´s something fragile. Because he´s not, never has been.

If you say so.’ Sally looks unconvinced, but lets him free anyway. Come and introduce me then, before the starving hordes descend.’

Chris gives Sally a look -- he hates unfinished conversations -- but lets it go. Walking to their table, he waits for Sally to come over then points at Justin. Justin. This is Sally; she makes the best bacon sandwiches in the world and I´m going to marry her when I grow up.’

Justin gulps down the food he has in his mouth and wipes his fingers on his pants before standing and offering his hand.

Pleased to meet you, ma´am.’ Sally grins and ignores his hand, kissing his cheek instead.

Hi, honey. No need to stand on ceremony in here, and don´t listen to this goofball. Why would he want a fat old lady when he has this pretty thing?’ Sally ruffles JC´s hair making him blush, before she turns to Lance. And who´s this cute little thing, Chris?’

Lance flushes bright red as he stands, dropping the remains of his sandwich on the plate. He brings his hand up then drops it, clearly unsure what to do, so Sally kisses his cheek quickly.

Chris says. That´s Lance. He has great shampoo.’

Sally looks at Chris, then ignores him, concentrating on Lance. Hey, honey. Sit, eat up. I have to go get drinks anyway. You want milk?’

She´s addressing Justin, and Chris grins as Justin forces back his usual _I´m not a kid_ comment before replying Sure.’

Lance asks for milk too, so Sally promises to bring the drinks over, then pushes Chris toward a chair. Sit already and eat. I´ll get the drinks; you all want black coffee, I suppose.’

They nod, so Sally leaves and Chris reaches for his sandwich, the only one left on the plate. It´s hot and delicious and he forces himself to savour every mouthful, knowing Sally won´t be working the morning shift again for two days. Justin is whispering to Lance again, face pale as he fidgets with the plastic ketchup bottle that´s usually in the middle of the table. JC is drawing on a napkin, using gentle pencil strokes to capture Joey´s likeness as he chews his sandwich.

The silence is edged with tension, and Chris knows he´ll have to start this conversation, so he swallows the last of his bacon and turns until he´s facing Lance and Justin. You going to tell us now?’

Justin´s hand squeezes the bottle and a blob of ketchup dribbles down his hand. JC offers the napkin with Joey´s face on it and Justin uses it to wipe away the sauce, crumpling it up and dropping it onto the empty plate after. He stays silent, mouth opening and closing a few times, then Lance places his hand on Justin´s arm. Lance closes his eyes, opens them, then takes a deep breath.

It´s my story to tell really. My fault that we´re here.’

Justin protests at that, but Lance turns to him, placing a gentle hand against Justin´s lips. Let me tell it my way, okay?’

Justin nods so Lance drops his hand. I´m from this small town, you know the kind where everyone knows everyone else? I wasn´t part of the popular crowd, but I was happy. My home life was great, I had good friends, I was in the choir and rode my horse most days.’ Lance smiles and Chris imagines Lance´s home, somewhere happy and comfortable. Justin has hold of Lance´s hand now, pressing it hard against his own, and Chris gets a sick feeling in his belly. He doesn´t want to hear what´s coming. There was only one problem. I didn´t want any of the girls that asked me to dances I wanted their boyfriends. Not that I told anyone. I´m not stupid.’

JC makes a soft sound of support. Chris knows JC understands the same way Chris does. Lance looks up and flashes a quick smile in JC´s direction, then keeps talking. I met Justin last summer. His mom had rented a house and we met at the local mall. I was looking for a shirt, and he walked up behind me and said my taste sucked, then pushed this other shirt in my hand.’

I was right, though,’ Justin interrupts. Lance nods while smiling.

Yeah, you were right as usual. I asked him what a kid like him knew about fashion, and he said more than a hick like me did. We sort of glared at each other for a while, then he smiled and told me to put back the shirt and we were going for milkshakes. That was the start of the best summer of my life. We talked every day and went to movies, then one day he’ Lance stops talking, looking around the table. You do know we´re together, right?’

Chris wants to tell Lance he´d have to be blind and deaf not to see he was with Justin, but JC´s hand tightens on Chris´ leg so he just nods when Joey says, We know.’

Lance goes on. One day Justin kissed me. I pushed him away, because, hello, he´s younger than me and we´d never mentioned the boy thing. But he´s persistent and we ended up together.’

That´s wonderful,’ JC says with a smile, and Chris can tell Joey agrees. But there´s more to this story, the way Lance is starting to shake shows that.

We fooled around a lot, and I guess we got careless one day. One of my momma´s friends saw us kissing in the field where I kept my horse. She told my momma, and by the time I got home, momma and dad were waiting for me. I´ve never seen them so disappointed. They kept saying I´d lied to them, but I hadn´t. I´d just not told them everything. But they kept saying I´d lied and how disappointed they were. They told me to go to my room, and my momma hugged me and said she loved me, but she needed time.’

Lance falls silent when Sally places glasses of milk on the table, then takes a long drink while Joey pours three cups of coffee.

I needed to talk to someone, so late that night I climbed out my window and went to Justin´s. We talked some and he hugged me until I felt a little better. It was dark by then and I knew I had to go home, so I kissed him goodbye and went back down the road, just like I´d walked down it a thousand times before.’

Chris grips his coffee cup in a brutal grip when Lance stops talking. Lance is obviously shaking now and Justin takes the milk from his hand when it splashes over the side. Chris is about to tell him it´s okay, they don´t need to know, when Lance talks again.

They were waiting by the big oak tree. My momma´s friend´s boy and his friends  my friends. We´d been friends for years, from kindergarten for some of them, so I didn´t worry about walking past. I didn´t even get to say hello before they hit me’ JC murmurs _oh baby_ , but Lance keeps talking, voice flat and expressionless. I can´t remember most of what happened. Just flashes. Jimmy from choir spitting in my face as he lifted a stick above his head. Amber, the girl I ate lunch with, pulling at my hair. My dad found me later, lying in the ditch. They´d torn off my clothes and left a sign saying _This is what happens to fags_. My friends did that. Dad carried me home and I stayed in bed for days. Momma wanted me to go to hospital, but I said no, all I wanted was Justin.’

They didn´t even tell me,’ Justin spits out. My mom found out at the store when they were talking about the Bass boy who´d gotten what he deserved. She told them they were homophobic assholes and dumped her shopping on the counter. She tried to phone Lance, but his mom wouldn´t let him talk. I had to climb in his window one night.’

Justin wipes an unsteady hand across his eyes, attention totally on Lance. We talked all night, whispering in his bed. We decided the only thing we could do was run away.’

So you just took off?’ Joey questions and Justin whirls on him.

What else could we do? Wait until they killed him next time? Or should he have stayed there and listened to what a disappointment he was and read the Bible that appeared on his bed? It was all we could do.’

Calm down,’ Lance says. He pulls Justin close to him, holding him tight as Justin shakes with anger. He´s only asking questions; it´s okay.’

They all stay quiet, looking away as Lance mops tears from Justin´s face with his sleeve. Even Sally´s stopped singing, and the silence is suffocating. Chris puts his hand over JC´s, holding it as Justin looks up.

I´m sorry. It just makes me mad’ Justin apologises.

I had to leave,’ Lance says. They kept phoning when Momma went out. They said they´d kill my sister and burn down my house. I wasn´t going to put my family in danger for something I did. Justin wasn´t supposed to come, but he insisted and I wasn´t strong enough to say no. I never am; if I was strong, I´d be at home facing them, not here.’

You´re alive, aren´t you?’ Chris says, and he fixes Lance with a look. You´re here and you´ve kept on going. You´re strong. It´s your mom and dad are the weak ones.’

No,’ Lance protests. You don´t understand; they were trying. Momma said she hated what I was doing, but I was still her son. She wanted what was best for me; a wife and family like all the people in our town. I love my family; look.’

Lance bends and pulls his suitcase from under the next table. He unzips it and folds back the top. Chris can see clothes inside, a damp towel and the stuff Lance used to wash. But Lance pushes them aside and Chris sees a pile of books and photographs mixed with hand-written notes.

This is my family.’ Lance pulls one of the books free and opens the first page. It´s a photo-album, and Chris looks at a picture of a younger Lance with a woman who has to be his mom. She has her hands resting on Lance´s shoulders and a man has his arm round her back. A girl is next to Lance and they all grin into the camera, looking happy and sun-warm. They love me, you have to believe that, but I couldn´t stay.’

Lance gently touches the page, fingers ghosting over his family before he shuts the book with a snap, pushing it back in his case.

What about your mom?’ JC asks Justin, who flushes, dipping his head.

I left her a note, said I was going to my dad´s for a while.’ Justin looks ashamed for a moment, then looks up, expression defiant. I wasn´t going to let him leave on his own. I love him.’

Chris bites back a comment about how can he know love when he´s so young. Then he looks at Justin. How old are you anyway?’

Sixteen,’ Justin says and Chris keeps on staring until Justin caves. Okay, I´m fifteen, all right? I´m still not leaving him.’

Fifteen. Fuck.’ Chris feels like beating his head against the table, but looks at Lance. Tell me you´re legal at least.’

Lance looks away and Chris knows it´s bad news. I´m eighteen, but I´m not going back.’ Lance sounds defiant and Chris knows he´s in trouble and sinking fast, because no way can he send Lance back now.

Neither am I.’ Justin looks just as defiant and Chris knows he´s lost that battle too, at least for now. Justin needs to go home and maybe take Lance with him.

You can stay,’ Chris says. He can sense the relief around the table, then feels the sloppy kiss against his cheek when Justin jumps up and hugs him, all long limbs and soft skin. Justin clings for a moment, then hugs Lance. Chris sees JC and Joey looking at him with expressions of support and Sally shaking her head from behind the counter. Sometimes, he thinks, it´s not worth getting up in the morning.

So you sell the magazines and take a percentage of the cover cost for yourself and give the rest to the charity that provides them?’ Lance asks. He´s flipping through one of Joey´s magazines as they wait for Justin to come out of the bathroom. Not a bad deal.’

It works for me,’ Joey says before finishing his coffee with a loud slurp. It´s regular money, as long as the buyers are out there anyway. Talking of which, I´d better go.’

Lance pushes the magazine into the bag and stands as JC and Chris get up. Chris gathers the mugs, glasses, and plate, putting them on the counter, waving at Sally as he shouts for Justin. Hey, kid. We´re going. Either get your ass in gear or we´ll leave you here to wash dishes.’

The bathroom door swings open with a crash, and Justin runs out, fastening his pants as he runs. Hey, wait up.’ He´s nearly to the door when he turns back to tell Sally. Nice, to meet you, ma´am.’ Sally mock growls and Justin looks torn between being scared and amused, eventually deciding to follow Joey out of the door. Lance waves and follows, leaving Chris and JC in the café.

We´d better go too. See you in two days?’ Chris asks. Sally comes close and he laughs, trying to duck her hand as she ruffles his hair.

Not if I see you first.’ It´s the usual farewell, and Chris loves the familiarity of it as Sally ruffles JC´s hair too, before moving behind the counter again. Go on then. You´ll lose your spots if you don´t go.’

Chris knows that´s true, so he picks up the sunflower bag, looping it over JC´s shoulder as they walk outside. Joey is standing apart from Justin and Lance, ready to run to his usual selling pitch. It´s getting late and Chris knows Joey needs to catch the commuters heading into the subway, but Joey´s not going anywhere until he knows where the others will be. It´s another of the morning rituals that Chris loves so much, as they make plans and get ready for the day.

I´ll be on the corner of Western and Bows today; it looks like it´s going to be sunny and there should be lots of people going to the park,’ Chris says. He looks at Justin and Lance, who are standing looking lost again. I´ll take these two; they can sit and be amazed by my singing.’

Amazed that someone that looks like you can sing like a girl you mean.’ Joey grins wide as he fires the insult, and Chris glares back, mouth twitching with amusement.

Get yourself some new material one day, Fatone. Maybe we´ll laugh then.’ Chris smiles sweetly, then turns to JC. You going back to Cross Street today?’

No. I think I need to draw people today. Cross Street is a dragon place, not a people place. I´m going to Wordsworth; the people vibes are amazing there.’ JC smiles happily and Chris knows he´s already planning his first drawing, picturing colours and shapes in his mind.

You sure, C? Last time you were there that fucker threw a bucket of water on you’ Chris fumes, the memory of JC soaked to the skin and his drawing ruined still vivid in his mind weeks later. Chris had wanted to punch the shopkeeper then, the only thing stopping him was JC´s expression as he dried chalks on his t-shirt. But that didn´t stop Chris and Joey throwing a brick through the window later -- something JC would never know.

I´m sure,’ JC says. He´s all lit up and kisses Chris on the mouth before starting to walk away. I´ll move outside the pet shop. I like hearing the animals anyway.’

I´ll see you there, then.’ Chris waves as JC blows him a kiss before walking round a corner.

Meet you at the usual place?’ Joey asks as he starts to walk away.

Chris nods. We´ll be there; have a good day. Don´t do anything I wouldn´t do.’

Ignoring Joey´s crude comment in reply, Chris laughs, then indicates that Lance and Justin should follow him. You´re coming with me. I´ll warn you, you´ll probably be bored out of your mind, but I´d rather you be bored than dead.’

Come on, I think you´re being a bit over the top,’ Justin scoffs. Who´s gonna kill us? Some bag lady who wants our shoes?’

Chris walks faster; he wants to turn and grab Justin´s coat, then keep shaking him until he understands that he could be killed for something as little as shoes. Justin is still laughing softly and Chris repeats _He´s fifteen, he´s fifteen_ in his head in time with his footsteps. But he can´t let the comment go totally and stops walking suddenly, halting Justin with a hand to his chest.

Look, kid, I´m not kidding about this. You´re not living at home now. People will and have killed over a pair of shoes, and you´re going to have to understand that. You´re not in your cosy, safe world now. Either smarten up or catch the next bus back, it´s your choice.’

Justin looks shocked, and the laughter drains from his face. Chris´ belly clenches at the sight. He hates that Justin looks like this, fearful and scared, but he´d rather see him this way than dead on a dirty floor.

I´m sorry,’ Justin says. He´s looking at the ground again and Chris gently grabs his chin, making him look up.

It´s okay, but kid, you have to listen to me, or Joey or JC. We know what we´re talking about’ Justin nods, so Chris lets go of his chin before flicking Justin´s nose. Good. Now come on, you need to come listen to me perform. Maybe if you and Lance stand and watch you´ll encourage the rest. Hell, they might stop just to stand next to two hotties.’

Chris winks at Lance, who blushes bright red and they all start walking again. It´s a short walk to the retail district and they´re soon at Chris´ spot. It´s still early and the shutters are going up at the grocers Chris stands opposite of. It´s a good spot and Chris has worked it for the last two years. He doesn´t get bothered often, not like the last place.

You can go where you want as long as I can see you, okay?’ Chris knows how the words sound, but there´s no way he can sing knowing Justin and Lance are wandering alone, not when Elroy is out.

Yes, mom,’ Justin replies before he gracefully sinks to sit on the case Lance had placed on the sidewalk. Lance does the same and they sit, side by side, looking up at Chris.

Chris wants to laugh, the look so expectant that he wonders what they think he´s going to do. Don´t expect much. I sing from memory, songs I´ve learned along the way. Some people stop and listen, most don´t, but as long as they throw some coins in the hat, we´ll be fine.’ He pulls a squashed hat from his side pocket, reshaping it before throwing it to the ground.

You don´t have any backup or mic or anything?’ Justin looks surprised as he looks up. It´s hard to sing like that.’

Tell me about it.’ Chris shrugs, he´s used to singing with no accompaniment, straining his voice to be heard. I´ve got good lungs and a loud voice; it´s okay.’

You sure do.’ Chris thinks the muffled insult is from Justin, but it´s Lance who has the telltale blush. Chris looks at him and raises an eyebrow, but Lance coolly looks back, eyes sparkling with amusement and clearly unrepentant.

Glad we´re in agreement.’ Chris has to laugh now and Lance grins too. If you´re finished insulting me, I have to warm up.’

Chris hates warming his voice up. It´s boring and people look at him strangely as he practices. It doesn´t help that both Justin and Lance are staring at him, but Chris won´t give them the satisfaction of turning away, just keeps on making noises that make him sound deranged. But at last he´s done, just in time for the first crowd of people who are waiting for the Starbucks to open.

I´m going to have to start now. Remember stay in sight.’ Chris takes a deep breath, and decides to start with an upbeat song. Opening his mouth, he begins to sing, standing in place. People watch from the line, but none come over, but that´s okay, he´s used to that. What he´s not used to is the way Justin and Lance sit and watch him, eyes tracking his every movement, listening to every note. He sees their feet tapping and soon his are doing the same as the music takes over and he flies into his own world.

Chris keeps singing, one song after another as he moves within his small spot. Eyes closed, he sings of lost loves and pain. During others his hips swing as he sings of balmy nights and sweet kisses. The real world retreats to the edges of his existence. He still sees Lance and Justin but he also lives the lives of those he sings about, feeling their every emotion.

When he starts another fast song, he´s surprised to see Justin jump to his feet, pulling Lance up with him. Justin stands in front of Chris and starts dancing, body moving in time with Chris´ song. Justin pulls his sweater off and throws it behind Chris, and the sunlight makes his skin gleam. Chris almost stops singing at the sight. No one ever dances, but Justin is, smiling as he moves seductively in front of Lance.

Lance stands still at first, but as Chris keeps singing and Justin keeps dancing until Lance suddenly moves, hands and hips swaying. Justin grins at him, then winks at Chris as people stop to watch. Chris sings louder as the coins continue to fill the hat; it´s the most money he´s made in months.

Chris sings all day, only stopping to share a bottle of water and packets of chips with Lance and Justin when his stomach starts to growl. He feels guilty as he eats, knowing JC will probably have nothing, too lost in his own head to eat even if he makes enough money to buy snacks. But he also knows that JC would never begrudge him food, so he lounges against the wall, sucking salt from his fingers after every chip.

Justin and Lance stay close all day. They dance at times, and at others sit together, bodies pressed close as they talk softly. Chris stops singing when his throat starts to hurt. He´s drained, but feels better than he has for weeks. There´s extra money in the hat, not much, but enough to ensure they eat well tonight.

I´m done’ Chris says, as he picks up the hat, twisting it so the coins stay inside.

We going to the soup kitchen again?’ Lance asks as he stands his case on end. He doesn´t look enthused about the idea and Chris doesn´t blame him. The hunger will be almost constant now, and soup´s never enough to satisfy it. Chris is used to that; they´re not.

Not tonight; we only go there if we don´t have enough money for anything else. I think we´ll be able to splurge and get some fast food.’ Chris drools at the thought. It´s been weeks since they could afford anything aside from snacks, and he imagines the taste of a greasy burger and salty french fries. We´ll go and get JC, then meet Joey.’

Great,’ Justin says. He grins, then starts to walk and Chris has no choice but to follow. Hey, by the way. You´re an awesome singer.’

Justin throws the compliment over his shoulder and Lance nods in agreement. Chris can´t help blushing. It´s been a long time since anyone other than JC and Joey has complimented him on his voice. It´s one of the things Chris is most proud of, that and his friends.

Thanks,’ Chris says softly, then hurries along the sidewalk, needing to see JC.

~*~*~*~

Whoa,’ Justin says, and Chris silently echoes him. He´s seen thousands of JC´s pictures, on sidewalks and walls, napkins and scraps of paper, but every time he sees something new, he´s reminded of how talented JC is.

The sidewalk is covered in faces; happy, sad, and everything in-between. Chris recognises John Lennon next to the President next to the old woman who begs at the corner of West and Bradley Street. Justin and Lance are pictured together, blissful smiles on their faces, and Joey is laughing, eyes nothing more than slits. Chris keeps looking; he knows he´ll be there somewhere and he´s not disappointed. JC has drawn him singing, eyes closed, hand at his chest. JC has also drawn himself, watching Chris with so much love it hurts to see.

You like it?’ JC asks.

It´s amazing,’ Justin says, almost bouncing in place.

But JC is looking at Chris, face calm as Chris mouths _I love it, I love you_ . JC beams at that, hugging himself with delight, adding pink handprints to his already dirty t-shirt.

Chris got so much money,’ Justin says and JC looks questionably at Chris so he nods his head.

Yeah, we did good, C. I think it´s a Mickey D´s night.’

Are you sure? I didn´t do that well,’ JC says as he kneels, emptying a few coins out of his hat. I think someone took my money again. There was more, then I started drawing Justin and he has all these curls and when I looked up my hat was empty.’

It´s okay.’ Chris keeps his voice level despite the anger he feels inside, then kneels next to JC. We´re good today, really. It seems all I needed was two baby hotties and the money rolls in.’

They were good?’ JC questions. He passes chalks to Chris, who puts them into the box.

They were great. You should see the moves Justin has; I thought that woman from the bakers was going to orgasm on the spot.’ Chris smiles as he remembers, then wipes a smear of white from JC´s cheek. At least people see them, even if they don´t listen to me.’

Hey.’ JC grabs Chris´ arm, holding it as they stand. None of that; you´ve got a beautiful voice, and one day the right person will come along, and then the world will be ours. You´ll sing and have a hit record and I´ll have my own gallery with my paintings on the wall, and we´ll live in a penthouse, you, me, and Joey. Oh, and Justin and Lance can come too if they like.’

Chris sighs; he loves the world JC paints, but he´s also a realist. He knows the chance of being discovered is almost zero. But he lets JC dream -- one of them has to. You´re right. I know. But why don´t we start with burgers and fries for now, leave the penthouse for later?’

Sure, but it´ll happen Chris; it has to’ JC says as he puts the chalks in his bag, looping it over his head. Now, you said something about a burger?’

I did,’ Chris says, smiling when JC, Lance and Justin all cheer. But we have to meet Joey first, then we´ll go to the place on Westwood and hit the park; we haven´t been for a few weeks.’

The park?’ Justin sounds dismissive. That´s kids stuff.’

I like it.’ JC looks Justin in the eye. It looks like Justin´s about to say more but JC continues, It´s also free. You want to eat, you come to the park with us.’

We´ll come’ says Lance, and he picks up his case again. Lead the way.’

~*~*~*~

I want the girl´s happy meal; I like the pink box,’ JC says as he leans against the counter. Justin is looking at him like he´s insane, but JC is adamant about his meal choice.

Okay, so that´s a girl´s Happy Meal with chicken nuggets, a Big Mac meal, a Chicken nugget meal, and two double cheeseburger meals.’ The server repeats the order and Chris nods and hands over the coins he´s carefully counted out before they entered the restaurant. The server smiles as he takes the money, but it´s a false smile barely hiding contempt and Chris scowls as he waits, foot tapping against the shiny floor.

Lance is sitting with Joey at a table. Chris thinks they´re discussing percentage profits about the magazines, something boring anyway that doesn´t hold Chris´ interest. Instead he looks around the restaurant, taking in the curious stares and hostility. A group of teens sit at a table behind Joey and Lance, and they stare without shame, whispering and giggling. Chris can only hear certain words, _look at his clothes, dropouts, scum_ and he wants to stalk over and tell them Joey´s worth ten of them, is a finer man than any of them will ever be, despite his ragged appearance.

Ignore them,’ says, JC. He stands next to Chris, using his body to hide the fact his hand is cupping Chris´ ass. They´re stupid kids.’

I hate them,’ Chris says, and he scowls more, only relaxing when JC moves his hand upward, slipping it slightly under his shirt.

No, you don´t. You don´t hate unless there´s a very good reason.’ JC´s fingers circle Chris´ back, warm against his skin. It´s one of the reasons I love you.’

Yeah?’ Chris questions. He stops scowling at the teens and looks at JC. What are the other reasons?’

You fishing for compliments, Christopher Kirkpatrick?’ JC asks, but he´s smiling and keeps on caressing Chris´ back as he pretends to think. I guess I love you because you found me when I was lost. Because you saw the goodness in Joey when he was at rock bottom, looking past the drinking to the man inside. Because you care even though you pretend you don´t. Because you sing to me at night when I can´t sleep. Because you give me your blanket when I´m cold. Because you´ve the cutest ass I´ve ever seen and’

Do you want ketchup with that?’ The server asks as he pushes two bags of food across the counter. There´s no smile now and he pointedly looks at JC´s hand, which still rests against Chris´ back.

No, thank you,’ JC replies. He doesn´t move his hand, just tightens his hold so Chris has to turn with him when he looks at the server. JC pulls himself to his full height, scorn written on his expression. We´ve got all we need. Have a nice night.’

JC tosses his head and walks away, head held high, still holding Chris tight round the waist. Joey and Lance scramble out of their chairs and Justin hurries away from the display of happy toys he´s been examining as they follow Chris and JC outside.

Hold up,’ Joey says as he catches up, still arranging the straps of his bag over his shoulder. What´s the hurry?’

I didn´t like him’ JC says as he hands a bag of food to Justin. Anyway, I want to go swing now.’

Joey shrugs and starts walking again. Fair enough. It´s probably a good job; this bruiser wanted to go punch out those idiots behind us.’ Joey points to Lance who blushes, but doesn´t drop his gaze.

They called you a rank disgusting dropout and JC a dirty retard and’

Chris laughs bitterly. Nothing we haven´t heard before; you get used to it. Don´t get into something you can´t handle because of name-calling. If you stay here much longer you won´t even hear it anymore.’

I could have handled it,’ Lance says, and he stares back at Chris.

Maybe you could, but it´s not worth it, believe me. Save the fights for the important stuff, like the fact that Justin´s eating your fries.’

Hey, put those back,’ Lance yells when he sees Justin stuffing fries into his mouth. Justin smiles, with a fry hanging from his bottom lip before he´s sprinting down the street with Lance in hot pursuit. Just wait until I get my hands on you, Timberlake.’

Kids these days; they´ve got no respect.’ Joey shakes his head in mock sorrow then yells and starts to run too.

Is it just me or do you feel old watching them?’ Chris asks. JC sighs, patting Chris´ back one last time before letting his hand drop.

I feel old all the time. At least I do when I´m not inside my head.’ JC sounds defeated and Chris looks sharply at him, seeing the way JC´s shoulders are slumped as he watches the other three run through the park gates far ahead, then JC speaks again, voice soft, I get scared sometimes, that I won´t come back. I need the colours, Chris. I need to see beautiful things, touch them and feel them. Without them I´m empty inside.’

Chris can´t speak. The words are frozen, trapped by the lump of ice that blocks his throat. Uncaring of who might be watching, Chris reaches for JC´s hand, holding it tight. It´s the one thing he´s always feared, that one day JC will leave, realising that he deserves more than a cardboard shelter and a man with too many scars.

I wish I could cut myself open and show you what I see,’ JC says, then looks at Chris. You know why I always come back?’

Chris shakes his head, still unable to form words.

Because of you. You´re more beautiful than anything I can ever imagine.’

Chris feels the fear drain from his body, and he hugs JC quickly. I think you need your eyes testing, C.’ But he smiles as he says it, and JC smiles too, a big goofy smile that lights up his face.

You gonna push me on the swing?’ JC says as he starts to walk. Chris is tight against his side, their legs brushing together with each step.

Don´t I always?’ replies Chris. Because he will, and they both know it.

~*~*~*~*~

Chris sits on the picnic bench, burger in hand. He savours each bite, knowing they might not eat like this for weeks. His fingers are covered in grease and salt and he sucks his fingers in-between bites, making the meal last as long as possible.

JC is lying on the grass, eating chicken nuggets as he watches the stars. Lance lies next to him  meal long finished  and points out constellations, waving his hand in the air as he tries to show JC each one. JC eats his nuggets and says he can see the stars Lance points out; Chris doubts he can but Lance sounds happy as he explains, and Chris knows JC will say he can see anything as long as it makes Lance smile.

Looking up when Justin shouts, Chris laughs when he sees him balanced in the air on a see-saw, Joey weighing the other end down.

Let me down!’ Justin laughs, then yells as Joey does just that, letting Justin fall to the ground with a thump as he yells, That hurt! Wait until I get hold of you.’ Joey laughs at Justin´s threat but still runs away, chuckling as Justin tries to catch him.

That´s got to hurt,’ Lance says, and he stands as JC jumps to his feet. Chris knows he´s going to swing, something he loves to do. Chris remembers asking JC why he loved it once, and the way JC´s face changed as he explained about the swing in his childhood home, and days spent swinging as his mom watched from the kitchen window. Chris has never asked again.

Push me later?’ JC asks, and kisses Chris on the top of his head when he indicates he will. Chris watches JC run to then jump on the swing, his whole body working to get as high as possible and soon he´s flying through the air, laughing as his hair streams behind him and his t-shirt rides up, showing his stomach.

Lance sits next to Chris and they watch JC in silence as Chris eats his burger. When he´s finished, Chris carefully folds the paper bags for JC, who collects any kind of paper to draw on, then puts them into Joey´s bag that´s on the ground next to them.

Thank you.’ Chris looks up at Lance´s words.

No problem, but what for?’ Chris asks. Lance is silent, watching JC, and Chris thinks he´s not going to talk, when Lance finally replies. For taking us in. I know you didn´t want to.’

I had to,’ Chris says, and his fingers drum against the tabletop as Lance looks at him.

No, you didn´t. You could have left Justin yesterday or sent us away today. I imagine the last thing you need is two more people to take care of.’

Chris´ first reaction is to lie, to say it´s no trouble, but Lance is still _looking_ at him, and Chris knows any lie will be seen through. So he makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. We´ll get by. You´ll soon learn street smarts, and until you do Joey, JC, and I have your backs.’

Lance falls quiet again, and Chris starts to feel jumpy. He wants to stand and run, to try and fit down the slide and laugh when his ass gets stuck half way down like it always does, but Lance is nibbling at his fingernails, obviously trying to work up the nerve to speak.

You and JC’ Lance says, and he looks at Chris as if he´s afraid to go on.

Me and JC, what?’ Chris prompts, and Lance bites at his nail again, looking at Chris then away again.

You look like you´ve been together a long time.’

That´s because we have,’ Chris says, and he counts time in his head. He can´t remember exactly, months tend to run together and Chris remembers in terms of events, not dates. The time he slept on a park bench when he first left home, the time in the shelter with the guy and his wandering hands, the time he could do nothing but lie on the cold sidewalk, shivering and feverish after one too many cold nights without shelter.

I think it´s about three years now, maybe more, it´s been three winters at least,’ Chris says, smiling when he remembers meeting JC. He saw me singing one day and started talking about how beautiful my eyes were. I was cold and hungry and here was this idiot babbling about my eyes. I told him to go away but he wouldn´t, and still hasn´t.’

You love him.’

It´s not really a question, but Chris answers anyway. Yeah, I do. He´s everything to me.’

I love Justin,’ Lance says; his expression is serious as he looks at Justin, who´s hanging upside down at the top of the climbing frame, then back to Chris. You probably think I´m too young for love, but I´m not.’

It doesn´t matter what I think; you have to do what makes you happy, and if that´s Justin, that´s great.’ Chris looks at Justin too, who´s laughing hard as Joey tries to pull him down.

I didn´t want him to come,’ Lance says as he folds his arms around himself, looking into the distance. I was going alone; I´d planned it all while I was stuck in bed. It hurt to move and everything was so _wrong_. Momma would bring me soup and pills and we´d talk but never about anything important. I never told her about the calls. She loves me, Chris. She really does; Dad too. That´s why I had to go; they were going to hurt them, because of me. I never planned to bring Justin; but he was there when they called again, and I threw some thing in my case and ran. He followed me and wouldn´t go. You have to believe me.’

I believe you,’ Chris says. He touches Lance on the shoulder, feeling how tense he is. You did what you thought was right.’

It was right,’ Lance almost shouts, and Justin and Joey look over before going back to digging in the sandpit when Lance waves at them. It´s the only thing I could do.’

Did you leave a note at least?’ Chris asks; he´s imagining Lance´s mom, standing by the phone waiting for news of her son.

I sent a postcard at a bus station we stopped at on the way here. I told her I was okay and not to look for me. Justin sent one to his mom, too. He cried when he sent it, he misses her.’ Lance rubs his eyes with his fists, and Chris knows Justin isn´t the only person who´s missing his mom. I should have made him stay.’

You could go back.’ Chris knows Lance will say no before he even opens his mouth, but he has to try.

No. No, I can´t. I won´t. The stakes are too high. I´m not putting my family at risk.’ Lance jumps to his feet. I´ll go somewhere else if you don´t want us, but I´m not going back.’

Okay, you´re not going back, I get it.’ Chris sighs, looking up at Lance. I´ve also said you can stay about a thousand times now, so get it through your head. You can stay. Justin can stay. My box is your box. Now I´m gonna go swing with JC. You´d better go and dig Justin out of the sandbox. It looks like he´s a bit stuck.’

Lance looks at Justin who´s under a mound of sand, Joey laughing next to him. Lance nods at Chris before running to Justin, pulling him up and dusting him down as he laughs. Chris watches them then goes to a swing, holding the chains when JC moves behind him, embracing him in a tight hug. Resting his head against JC´s chest, Chris closes his eyes. Were we ever that young?’

I don´t think we were,’ JC replies and Chris believes him. Youth is something he´s never had, and something Justin and Lance will lose soon; it´s inevitable.

~*~*~*~

It´s the kind of night that Chris loves the most as they walk back to their shelters, almost silent with stars shining brilliantly in the sky. JC´s hand brushes Chris´s, and ahead Joey talks intently with Lance. Justin is walking slowly, almost stumbling at times, so Chris hurries his pace until he´s walking in the middle of JC and Justin.

Hey, kid,’ Chris says, and Justin looks at him and smiles. Chris doesn´t smile back; Justin looks exhausted and the smile is obviously fake. I´d ask if you´re okay, but I know you´re not.’

I´m fine,’ replies Justin and he walks a bit faster as if to prove that point.

You don´t have to pretend with us,’ Chris says, and Justin´s shoulders slump as he lets out a deep sigh.

I know. It´s justI´m tired, that´s all. It´s been a long few days.’

That´s for sure.’ JC sounds sympathetic and he reaches past Chris to pull Justin into a quick hug. Justin doesn´t return it at first, but as JC squeezes him with both arms, he hesitantly loops his arms round JC´s waist and rests his head against JC´s shoulder. Chris can hear JC whisper words _it´s okay, you´ll be fine, we´ve got you_ and Justin turns his head so his face is hidden in JC´s t-shirt.

A thud distracts Chris and he turns to see Lance standing looking at them, face set in an expression of anguish. He´s dropped his case to the sidewalk, and Joey puts his bag on it as he moves in front of Lance, saying soft words that Chris can´t hear. Lance doesn´t answer, just keeps looking at JC and Justin and eventually Joey shrugs his shoulders and pulls Lance into a hug too.

Chris is torn, he doesn´t know if he should go to Joey, who´s standing perfectly still, Lance frozen in his arms, or JC, who´s patting Justin´s back as Justin tries to hide his tears.

Sorry,’ Justin says as he pulls back from JC. He wipes at his eyes and nose with the sleeve of his sweater then looks away, seemingly ashamed. I´m tired and I´m hungry and I want some candy and a mug of cocoa that my mom makes with those little marshmallows. She uses the white ones because they´re my favourite; they look like tiny ice burgs in a sea of chocolate.’

She sounds nice.’ JC half smiles and Chris knows he´s imagining moms who make cocoa and little white marshmallows.

She is. She let Lance stay over this summer sometimes, and we watched movies all night. She makes the best cookies with chocolate buttons and lets me stay up late when it´s not a school night.’ Justin stops talking, wiping at his eyes again. I miss her. Just don´t tell Lance. He already feels bad about letting me come. Not that he could have stopped me, even if he´d sneaked away I´d have followed.’

We won´t,’ Chris promises, and JC nods. Justin smiles again, more genuine this time.

Thanks,’ he says, then runs to Lance, hugging him as Joey moves away.

I miss my mom, Chris.’ JC´s words are so soft that Chris hardly hears them, but he does and turns to JC, kissing him quickly on the lips.

I know. You can always go back.’ The words hurt to say, but Chris means them. He wants JC to be happy and if that means him going back to his family he´ll let him go, even if it would break his heart to do so.

Why would I want to do that?’ JC sounds puzzled. My family´s here, with you. I´m not going anywhere. I´m never leaving you, Chris. Ever.’

Chris believes him; JC´s never let him down.

~*~*~*~

We do the same thing everyday; why can´t I go with Lance? Or JC?’ Justin scowls as he talks and Chris scowls back.

You know why. You´re too young to do the magazine thing. Lance just got a place on the scheme and the last thing he needs is you hanging around.’ Justin starts to protest but Chris talks over him. I know you´d try and keep out the way, but face it, Justin. You´re a distraction.’

So I go with JC. I´d make sure no one took his money,’ Justin says, and Chris sighs. He feels old and tired this morning. It´s cold and all his joints ache after days of unending rain. Food is scarce because no wants to stop and listen to him sing when it´s wet, and JC´s pictures wash away as fast as he draws them. It´s only Joey´s -- and now Lance´s -- money from selling magazines that keeps them going, and even then the money they make doesn´t stretch far between five people.

Justin paces in front of Chris. He´s changed since Chris first saw him, face drawn and his eyes sunken and shadowed, but he´s still a kid. Chris never forgets that, not that he can when Justin pouts when he can´t get his own way.

How many times do I have to say?’ Chris says as he ducks into his shelter and starts to angrily push things aside, looking for something to tie his hair back. You know Elroy´s been seen. He´s dangerous, Justin.’

Says you.’ Justin kneels so he can see inside Chris and JC´s shelter, ignoring JC as he sketches on a pizza box lid, blankets bundled round him. It´s been months since I saw him. You´re paranoid, just because you have some kind of history with him.’

I´d rather be paranoid than’ Justin cuts Chris off.

Than dead, I know. You say it often enough. But you know what, Chris? I haven´t seen one thing that suggests Elroy´s this bogeyman that you say. You might be frightened of him; I´m not.’

Justin stands and Chris grits his teeth. He wants to beat his fists against the ground, or better still against Justin´s head.

He doesn´t understand.’ JC puts down the box and Chris sees he´s drawn the beach, complete with sunshine and sparkling sea, no rain in sight. If he can´t see it, he doesn´t know it´s there.’

I should have made them go home.’ Chris sits so he´s resting against JC, letting JC take all his weight.

They wouldn´t have gone, and better with us than on their own.’ JC lets the chalk he´s using drop and drapes his arm over Chris´ shoulder. His fingers are bright blue and Chris laughs when he sees JC´s hand print on his forearm.

You putting my mark on me?’ Chris asks, and JC smiles.

I marked you a long time ago; you just never saw.’ JC wipes his hand on his blanket then uses it to turn Chris´ head, so they´re face to face. Everything´s going to be fine. Lance loves selling magazines and Justin will grow up eventually.’

I just hope I can last that long.’

Course you can,’ JC says, then kisses Chris before pushing the blankets from his knee and standing up in one fluid movement. Come on. We´d better go before our little businessman gets antsy. I´d hate for him to miss a sale.’

I heard that,’ Lance yells from outside. Chris knows he´ll be hiding his suitcase; he does it every morning, pushing it behind Joey´s shelter before they all leave for the day. Lance has changed too, he´s more confident and hard edged, but sometimes Chris misses the boy Lance used to be, the one who wouldn´t think of leaving his suitcase behind. Chris crawls out of his shelter and smiles for the first time that morning when he sees Lance looking around the corner of Joey´s shelter, expression indignant. As he smiles Chris forgets the argument with Justin for now. But only for now; he knows it´s just a matter of time before it´s brought up again.

~*~*~*~

Come on, Chris. We haven´t done anything fun for ages. All I ever do is come here with you, go to the soup kitchen, then back to the shelter,’ Justin says as he shoves the flyer at Chris again, who shoves it straight back.

What part of no don´t you understand?’ Chris replies, feet splashing through the puddles as he paces, unable to stand still as Justin reads the flyer again.

There´s rides and side stalls. There´ll be cotton candy and toffee apples. Do you know how long it is since I´ve had stuff like that?’ Justin asks as he looks at Chris.

We can´t afford it, Justin.’

So we´ll go to look at the rides, and I´ll steal some cotton candy. Fairs are always crowded; no one will see.’

No,’ Chris says. He´s horrified by how casually Justin mentions stealing, but also angry. Justin won´t listen and Chris can´t make him understand how dangerous it is. Elroy and his kind hang out at fairs like that.’

Elroy. Elroy. Elroy. I don´t know what your obsession is with him, but it´s getting old. But you know what? Screw this. I´m not spending another day listening to you sing. I´ll see you when I get home,’ Justin yells, and he turns and runs along the street.

Within seconds Chris is running after him, but Justin´s faster and soon disappears into the crowd. Chris keeps running; he´s furious and adrenalin mixed with fear keeps him running long after his legs start to burn and he gasps for breath.

Chris hears the fair long before he sees it. The sidewalks are crowded with people and Chris shouts apologies as he pushes past them. He needs to find Justin before Elroy or someone like him does; and they will, Justin´s too much of a target, obviously alone obviously young and worst of all, clearly living on the streets. Chris has seen too many people disappear because no one cares what happens to them, and that´s not going to happen to Justin.

Sorry. Excuse me. Coming through,’ Chris says as he runs past side stalls and rides. Knowing Justin could be anywhere, Chris walks quickly, looking at every person. But Justin´s nowhere to be seen, so Chris moves away from the main area, looking behind rides, searching the places that usually remain unseen.

Kirkpatrick. Fancy seeing you here.’ Elroy steps from behind a caravan, sneering at Chris. He looks bigger than ever, and the rings on his fat fingers gleam in the light as he pushes back his greasy hair. I told you I´d pay you back one day, and it looks like that day has come.’

Chris backs away slightly; he looks around, but they´re in an almost deserted area, and the people that do see them quickly look away. Chris knows he´s on his own and he prepares to fight as Elroy moves closer, brown teeth showing as he smiles.

I can still beat your fat ass,’ Chris says, and Elroy laughs as he pulls something from his pocket.

I´m sure you can, but see, I´ve got an advantage. In a way you did me a favour snitching on me to the police. While I was inside I met some, how shall we say, interesting people. They taught me the best way to fight, and you know what? It isn´t with fists.’ Elroy holds something in the air, and Chris prepares to run when he sees the wicked looking knife in his hand. I don´t think so. Dan, get him.’

Chris tries to run at Elroy´s words, but it´s too late. He´s held by someone who grips him painfully round the chest, trapping his arms at his side. Chris kicks and bites, but he can´t escape and Elroy moves close. He´s not smiling now; instead he stands inches from Chris, then spits in his face.

I´ve waited for this day a long time.’

You´re still a pervert who can´t even take me on his own,’ Chris yells back. He´s furious at himself for being stupid enough to get caught but also scared, thoughts of his friends in his mind.

True. But who cares? This is payment for the time he you kicked me in the balls.’ Elroy brings his hand back and smashes his fist into Chris´ jaw. And this is for prison.’

Chris doesn´t feel the blade sink into his belly, but he sees his blood on the blade when Elroy holds it in the air. Then his legs buckle and he falls to the ground when the arms around his chest let go.

Hey, stop!’ Someone yells, and Chris hears someone running toward them. He shivers, feeling blood trickle down his chin, but tries to stand when Elroy bends over him.

That´s one down, one to go, Kirkpatrick. That freak you fuck is next.’

Elroy runs and Chris keeps trying to stand. His head pounds, his jaw nothing except white hot pain, but he keeps moving, standing on wobbly legs. Hands try to stop him, shouting about ambulances and police, but all Chris can think about is JC, and he starts to run, gasping with pain at every step.

Chris´ only focus is JC. He´s scared  terrified  and it´s that fear that keeps him running when all he wants to do is drop to the ground and surrender to the darkness. Something wet drips on his neck and Chris wipes at it with his arm, then swallows hard when he sees blood smeared across JC´s handprint, red mixed with blue.

JC!’ Chris yells when he reaches the street JC´s working, then yells again. Chris prays he´s got the wrong street when he can´t see JC, but as he looks down he sees a half-finished unicorn, rearing in a sea of flames. Chalks are crushed into the sidewalk and JC´s sunflower bag lies on its side, contents spilling out. Chris falls to his hands and knees as he collapses on the unicorn, JC´s name on his lips.

~*~*~*~

Chris? Fuck’

Is he?’

No! No, he´s not.’

It´s okay, I´ve got you’

Will you people get the fuck back!’

Don´t you dare leave me now’

need to tell me where JC is.’

Lance, will you get those fuckers back. Get back!’

can´t leave me. If you go so´ll JC and I need you both. Hear that, you fucker? Don´t you dare give up.’

Damn, Chris. I love you, man. Don´t do this to me.’

Chris wants to talk, to tell Joey he´s going nowhere, but all he can do is lie still, cradled in Joey´s arms. He keeps his eyes closed; it´s too much effort to keep them open, and lets his cheek rest against the rough fabric of Joey´s sweater.

Lance is near; Chris can hear him, not so much words, but the tone, deep and comforting to his ears, then someone takes his hand, and Chris thinks it´s Lance. But he doesn´t check; he can´t.

We´re gonna go to the hospital,’ Joey says and Chris feels the vibration against his cheek as Joey talks. Get you fixed up.’

No.’ Chris manages to gasp the word out, forcing it past his dry throat and swollen jaw, JC.’

We´ll find him, _after_ you go to the hospital.’

Chris tries to move, weakly struggling in Joey´s arms. He´s cold, and clenches the hand holding his desperately, trying to ride out the pain that threatens to engulf him. No. Need to find him now.’ But Joey´s too strong and won´t let go.

Listen to me, Chris,’ Joey says. We´ll find JC. Promise. But I can´t look for him while you´re like this; you´re bleeding a hell of a lot.’

The sound of a siren is the last thing Chris hears before he slips into darkness once more.

~*~*~*~

He´s a John Doe. No ID. He came in with someone, but they took off.’

Chris feels hands on his body, pressing, touching, hurting. He wants to shake them off and moves his hand weakly.

Hey, honey. Are you with us?’ A woman´s voice asks and Chris feels hands on him again, gentle this time as they touch his arm. You´re going to be fine. You´re a lucky man. Whoever did this to you missed everything important. Someone up there is looking after you.’

Chris doesn´t feel lucky, he hurts and all he can think of is JC. He tries to open his eyes, but he´s so tired. Chris fights as hard as he can, but it´s a fight he can´t win, and he sleeps once more.

~*~*~*~

ChrisChris, wake up.’

Chris groans as someone gently shakes him. Opening his eyes, he carefully moves his head, gritting his teeth against the throb in his jaw and belly. Joey is looking down at him, face worried as he looks from Chris to the door.

I had to sneak in to see you; they were asking me our names earlier, it´s why me and Lance had to leave.’ Joey looks away. I didn´t want to; you were so still, and there was so much blood, but they kept asking. I didn´t want to’

Hey, it´s okay, I know’ Chris says as he starts to sit up. Moving makes the pain flare again and he bites back a curse as Joey tries to make him lie down again. No, help me up. We have to get out of here, now.’

Chris, you can´t. You´re sick. You need to stay here,’ Joey says and he tries to make Chris lie down in bed again.

I can, and I have to. I have to find JC, Joey.’ Chris is finally upright and he slowly turns in bed, keeping his body as straight as possible as he pulls the covers back. There´s no way I can stay here when he´s missing. You have to know that.’

I´ll find him for you.’ Joey says, but he sounds resigned as he looks at Chris.

I know you will. But I can´t just stay here’ Chris looks pleadingly at Joey. The need to get out and find JC is a physical ache, as real as the pain in his side and jaw. Joey looks undecided, but finally moves to help Chris turn on the bed so his legs are hanging off the side. Chris reaches for Joey´s arm, in part to show thanks, but also for balance as his world tilts crazily. Joey looks worried as he holds Chris steady, and Chris knows he´s seconds away from being put back into bed. Look, I´ll go to the clinic tomorrow and let them check me out.’

You´re damn right you will; I´ll carry you there on my back if I have to. It´s the only reason I´m agreeing to this.’

Chris looks around the room. Can you see my clothes anywhere?’

Joey searches the room, quietly opening cupboard doors until he sees Chris´ clothes. He puts them on the bed and Chris blushes as Joey efficiently helps him put on his underwear and pants.

Your t-shirt´s a bust.’ Joey holds up Chris´ t-shirt, which is cut in half down the front. Here, wear this.’

Joey pulls his sweater off and carefully threads Chris´ arms in the sleeves, softly murmuring _sorry_ as Chris winces with each movement. The sweater is baggy on Joey so it dwarfs Chris, hanging down to mid thigh, but Chris appreciates the warmth.

Thanks.’ Chris looks down at Joey who´s fastening Chris´ sneakers.

Don´t mention it. You did this and more for me,’ Joey says, then stands. I don´t like this, Chris. You look like you could collapse any minute.’

You don´t have to like it. But I´m walking out of here with or without your help.’ Chris stands, almost falling to the bed when a wave of dizziness hits him again.

Yeah, like you can walk out of here alone.’ Joey hooks Chris´ arm over his shoulder, making sure it´s on his uninjured side. I said I´ll help, but you´re going back to the shelter to rest. That´s not up for debate.’

But JC’ Chris says, and sags against Joey when he remembers crushed chalk and unfinished unicorns.

JC can take care of himself, you know that. It´s you I´m worried about now. The only reason I´m taking you know is because I know you´ll just try to walk out yourself as soon as I go’ Joey starts to walk slowly, then stops. This is stupid, we´re never going to get away at this speed. Stay here, I´m gonna get a wheelchair.’

Joey helps Chris sit again, then looks out of the door before quietly walking out. All Chris can do is watch him go, nervously picking at the blankets until Joey comes back into the room, pushing a wheelchair.

Your ride, sir.’ Joey pushes the wheelchair close to the bed, then helps Chris sit in it. You ready? I might have to run so hold on tight.’

Chris nods, then looks wide-eyed as Joey pulls the blankets from the bed. You can´t take those.’

Hey, we need them more than they do,’ Joey says, then puts the blankets on Chris´ lap. I´ll bring them back with the wheelchair if it worries you that much, but we need them, you know we do.’

Chris is torn; he hates the thought of taking things, but also knows the blankets are desperately needed. Then he thinks of JC and the way he shivers as they sleep, so he nods then holds onto the armrest as tight as he can when Joey starts to push him forward and out of the door.

Hey! You wait!’ someone shouts; Joey curses and starts to run. All Chris can do is hold on as Joey speeds along corridors, taking corners so fast that Chris shuts his eyes.

Open the door!’ Joey yells, and Chris cringes when he opens his eyes to see them hurtling toward the main door. It´s close but the door opens as they get near, and Chris laughs with Joey as they run into the night.

That was close,’ says Joey. He´s still running but slows down when they´re a few blocks from the hospital. You okay?’

Chris doesn´t answer at first. He´s too busy trying to breathe without screaming with pain. I´ll live.’

Good,’ Joey says; he sounds unsure, but keeps on walking at a brisk pace. I´ll take you back to the shelter; Lance and Justin will be going out of their minds by now.’

Justin.’ Chris can´t believe he forgot about him, and he tries to look back at Joey, giving up when pain slices through him again.

Hey, sit still.’ Joey lays a gentle hand on Chris´ shoulder. Justin´s fine. He was at the shelter eating cotton candy when Lance and I went back from the hospital.’

Is he okay?’

Yeah. He got a bit hysterical when we told him what happened. Kept saying it was his fault and he was sorry. Lance slapped him in the end.’ Joey stops speaking, and Chris knows he´s thinking. I don´t get it. JC´s missing, you get mugged and Justin thinks it´s his fault.’

I didn´t get mugged. It was Elroy,’ Chris explains. He flinches as Joey´s hand tightens on his shoulder. He said he was going after JC next, that´s why I have to find him.’

Fuck!’ Joey starts moving again, but faster this time. But what´s that got to do with Justin?’

I guess he feels guilty about running away from me to go to the fair.’

He did what?’ Joey questions. He sounds angry and Chris explains.

He wanted to go to the fair, see the rides and eat some cotton candy. It´s not his fault, Joey. He´s a kid; he wanted to have some fun.’

That fun almost got you killed and maybe JC too.’

But I wasn´t,’ Chris says, as he hugs the blankets on his knee close. And JC´s fine, he´s not dead; I´d know.’

Chris’ Joey says, but Chris cuts him off.

Don´t. He´s missing but he´s fine, and I´m going to find him’ Chris says no more, and Joey keeps on walking. They both know Chris will find JC if it´s the last thing he does.

~*~*~*~

Chris.’ Lance jumps to his feet and runs toward them. Chris is standing with Joey´s help, and he manages a small smile when Lance stares at him critically. You look like hell. Why did you let him come home, Joey?’

Hey, don´t blame me.’ Joey holds up one hand. He insisted.’

You´re an idiot,’ Lance says as he looks at Chris. Then he carefully hugs him, resting his head against Chris´ shoulder as he whispers, I was so scared.’

You´re not the only one,’ Chris whispers back. Lance lifts his head and Chris is reminded how young he really is as he sees unshed tears glistening in Lance´s eyes. I´m okay, a bit battered maybe, but I´m fine, believe me.’

Lance looks unsure, but says nothing.

Can you go get the blankets that are on the wheelchair near the fence?’ Joey asks. Lance looks at him quizzically but goes anyway. I´m gonna get you settled in your shelter, then go look for JC.’

Joey moves, but stops when Chris stays still. Chris is looking at the shelters and knows there´s no way he can go into his own without JC. There are too many reminders of him in there, pictures and clothes, scraps of paper and JC´s favourite blanket. Chris can´t go in -- not yet.

What´s up?’ Joey questions, looking to see what Chris is staring at.

I can´tJC.’ Chris can´t say anymore, but Joey seems to realise what he means.

You want to sleep in mine tonight? I´ll get Lance to put the new blankets in there.’ Joey says, changing direction slightly as Chris nods. I´m going to go look for JC soon. Lance will be here if you need anything.’

Lance walks past with an armful of blankets and Joey points to his own shelter. Put them in there; make the ground as soft as possible.’

No problem.’ Lance ducks into Joey´s shelter, and Chris can hear him moving around before he shouts, I´m done.’

Lance and Joey help Chris into the shelter and soon he´s lying on a soft pile of blankets with others piled over him. He hurts, but the pain in his jaw and belly is nothing compared to the pain in his heart.

I´m going now,’ Joey says, bending close to Chris´ face. If he´s out there, I´ll find him.’

I know,’ Chris says, and he does. He trusts Joey completely.

Look after him,’ Joey says to Lance. With a last look back, he ducks out of the shelter. Lance watches the door for a moment, then sits next to Chris, careful not to bang against him.

Where´s Justin?’ Chris asks finally, breaking the uneasy silence.

He´s in our shelter. I think he´s scared to see you.’

Chris bites back a sigh. He doesn´t want to deal with this now, but he can´t let Justin lie alone, thinking he´s hated. Go tell him to come in here.’

Lance says nothing, just stands and ducks out. Chris hears him enter his own shelter before telling Justin he´s wanted. Chris thinks Justin´s not going to come, but Lance keeps talking, and soon Chris looks up to see Justin crouched at the doorway.

Justin looks younger than Chris has ever seen him, eyes red and swollen as he looks at the ground. There´s no way that Chris can stay angry with him, and he pats the space next to him. Come here then.’ Justin looks up slightly and his face crumples as he looks at Chris.

I´m sorry,’ Justin says through his tears, before carefully sitting next to Chris. I wanted to eat cotton candy again, just once. I didn´t think this would happen. I just wanted cotton candy, Chris. I´m sorry.’

It´s okay.’ Chris pulls his arm from under the blankets and reaches for Justin, holding him in a one armed hug. I´m good; I don´t blame you.’

But JC’ Justin says. His tears are soaking into Joey´s sweater, but Chris keeps holding him, letting Justin cry himself out. He´s missing, and’

JC´ll be fine,’ says Chris as much to convince himself as Justin. He´s stronger than he looks, probably stronger than us all.’

You sure?’ Justin doesn´t sound convinced, and Chris can´t blame him. The way JC looks and acts fools a lot of people.

I´m positive,’ Chris says. He squirms on the blankets, trying to get comfortable -- something that seems impossible -- while Justin keeps looking at him, as if he can´t believe Chris´ words. He´s beat Elroy once; he´ll do it again.’

Elroy!’ shouts Justin, and Chris remembers that Justin doesn´t know.

Yeah, it was him that did this.’

So this _is_ my fault’ Justin says as his whole body visibly quivers.

If it´s anyone´s fault, it´s mine for letting him catch me,’ Chris says, his eyes closing against his will. All he wants to do is sleep, but he´s not going to do that while Justin´s one step away from a breakdown. Where´s Lance?’

He´s in our shelter, I think,’ Justin says, then shouts. Lance!’

Chris winces at the shout, then holds his hand up when Justin looks like he´s going to start apologising again. Don´t even say it, okay?’

You want something?’ Lance questions, and Chris points to the one free spot in the shelter beside Justin.

Come and talk to me; take my mind off things.’

What do you want me to say?’ Lance asks and Chris smiles tiredly.

Anything, tell me where you and Justin went on your first date, and give your boyfriend a hug while you´re there, I think he needs one.’

Lance looks from Chris to Justin then squeezes next to Justin, holding him round his waist. It´s a funny story, Justin asked me for a burger; then when he went to pay, he didn´t have his wallet.’

Hey, I´d forgotten it, that´s all,’ Justin protests, poking Lance in his side. It wasn´t on purpose.’

That´s what you say; I still think you did it because you´re cheap.’

Chris smiles at Justin´s shout of outrage, then sleeps, the voices of his friends in his ears.

You need something?’ Lance asks. He´s pressed close to Chris, body hot and solid and Justin is next to him, hand entwined with Lance´s.

Bathroom.’ Chris manages to croak the word and Lance nods before pulling himself free from Justin´s hold.

I´ve got you,’ Lance says, and he pulls the blankets off Chris, helping him to his feet. Chris sways and holds onto Lance as they stagger out, biting back cries of pain. It´s a slow journey to the bathroom corner and Lance turns away as Chris pees, then they slowly walk back.

A noise from the fence makes them stop, and they both look up.

Joey?’ Lance questions. Is that you?’

No. It´s me.’

Chris feels his legs buckle and it´s only Lance´s hold that keeps him up. JC?’

The one and only,’ JC says as he walks round the corner. He´s dirty, clothes covered in mud and his hair plastered to his head, but to Chris he looks beautiful.

JC runs to Chris, looking up sharply when Lance says _be careful, he´s hurt_. His movements are gentle as he reaches for Chris, taking him in his arms.

I knew you were okay’ says Chris, resting his head against JC´s chest.

I told you I´d never leave you and I never break a promise,’ JC says, kissing Chris´ forehead. I´ll never leave you, ever.’

And Chris believes him.

~*~*~*~

Come on, you look like you need to lie down,’ JC says, and he starts to help Chris toward their shelter.

Hold on,’ Lance says, holding piles of blankets in his arms. Wait until I put these in there.’

JC stops and pulls Chris close to him as Lance ducks into their shelter and JC holds Chris´ hand, tracing lines on his palm with his fingers while they wait.

JC!’ Justin shouts, and he barrels out of Joey´s shelter, tripping over his own feet in his haste to stand up straight and reach JC. You´re okay. I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to, I thought.’

JC holds up his hand, stopping Justin from crashing into them, Justin´s face crumples, until JC says, It´s okay, it´s just. Take it slow, okay.’

’Sorry, I didn´t think,’ Justin says, as he approaches slowly. He appears scared, looking from Chris to JC, and stops when he´s within reach of them, but comes no further. Sorry, I´m so sorry.’

Justin, come here,’ says Chris. He reaches for Justin, pulling him close. Justin hesitates for a moment, and Chris thinks he´s going to run, but he moves at last. Justin´s arms go around Chris and JC. He buries his face against Chris´ shoulder, murmuring _I´m sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,_ and Chris feels hot tears soak through Joey´s sweater.

It´s okay, we´re good,’ Chris whispers, comforted by the feel of JC´s hand against his back.

Hey, come here.’ Chris looks up and sees JC is beckoning to Lance who´s standing watching them. Lance doesn´t even hesitate a moment, almost running before putting his arms round Justin and JC. They stand in a loose circle and no one speaks; Chris can´t, no words could ever convey what he feels.

Where´s Joey?’ JC questions at last and the group breaks up with lingering touches and smiles.

Looking for you,’ Lance replies. Chris doesn´t miss the worried look on JC´s face and opens his mouth, about to ask questions when Lance cuts him off. You need to go lie down, Chris, and we´d better do something about JC´s hands.’

No, they´re fine,’ JC says, but Chris finally sees what Lance has, bloody scrapes on JC´s knuckles.

No they´re not.’ Chris gently lifts JC´s hands up, holding them up and looking at them carefully. We need to go wash those. Then you tell me where the hell you´ve been.’

Close,’ Lance says as he looks at Chris. I´ll go with JC as he gets washed up; _you´ll_ go and lie down before you fall down. Justin will stay with you.’

Chris wants to protest, the thought of being apart from JC even a minute is something that causes him physical pain. The problem is, he doesn´t think he could walk another step; he needs to lie down and ride out the pain that´s beginning to get overwhelming.

JC seems to sense that and turns to Lance, assuring him, They´re fine.’

Lance looks determined, insisting, You need to go.’

Chris knows he´s right. You should go, JC. Me and Justin will wait here.’ Chris gently kisses JC´s hand, careful not to touch any of the scrapes. Get washed while you´re there.’

You saying I stink?’ JC questions before smiling, a huge wide grin that Chris can´t help responding to. I´m going, I just want to get you tucked in first.’

Chris thinks about protesting he´s not a child, but gives in to JC´s fussing as he gets him settled on a pile of blankets. JC looks quizzically at one of the new hospital blankets, but shrugs and carefully drapes it over Chris, tucking it under his chin.

I won´t be long,’ JC says, then bends and kisses Chris. JC tastes like blood mixed with mud and Chris almost pulls back, but as the kiss deepens, the taste disappears. _I love you_ says JC, words mouthed against Chris´ lips.

Love you too, now go.’ Chris doesn´t think JC´s going to go at first, then he touches Chris´ face, palm warm on Chris´ cheek before walking out of the shelter. Justin comes in as soon as he´s gone, expression serious as he looks at Chris.

If you say you´re sorry one more time I´m gonna kick your ass.’ Chris wants to laugh at how fast Justin snaps his mouth shut, but he doesn´t, he just watches as Justin stays at the shelter door. I thought we got past this, but I guess not. Come and sit down, keep me company.’

Okay,’ Justin says slowly as he sits next to Chris. Justin´s silent and Chris is almost asleep when he speaks again. I won´t do it again. Promise.’

I know.’ Chris believes him. You´re a good kid.’

I´m not a kid.’ The response is automatic now and they both smile as Justin lies down, feet crossed as he stares at the ceiling of the shelter, probably looking at the clouds and sun JC has drawn there. Chris feels himself drifting; all he can hear is Justin´s breathing and the soft chime of the CDs JC hung up as they clink together outside. Within minutes he´s asleep.

~*~*~*~

Don´t they look cute?’

Chris hears Joey´s voice and opens his eyes; he blinks when he sees Justin´s face an inch from his own, so close Chris can see every freckle and feel every breath. Justin´s arm is thrown across Chris´ body, heavy against his side and Chris squirms a little, trying to see Joey. The movement wakes Justin, who stares at Chris with half open eyes before rolling away from him.

Sorry,’ Justin says with a blush. He then sits up, looking at Joey. Hey, you´re back.’

Observant little thing, aren´t you?’ Joey smiles, then winks at Justin. Yeah, I bumped into Lance and JC and we went for supplies. We come bearing gifts.’

Joey holds up a bag and Chris squints at it, trying to see where it´s from.

You got food?’ he asks, then grins when Joey nods.

That and other stuff.’ Joey puts the bag down, then ducks into the shelter, Here, let´s get you sitting up a bit, then we can all get in.’

Joey helps Chris sit so he´s resting against a pile of clothes, then pushes stacks of scrap paper aside so they can all fit in the shelter. They don´t do this often; despite Chris and JC´s modifications, it´s still only a huge packing box and as such doesn´t have much space. But sometimes they need to be together, like today. It takes some rearranging, but soon Lance is sitting with Justin next to him, while JC climbs over them all so he can sit close to Chris. Joey is near the door, legs tucked under Chris´ blankets, JC´s feet in his lap.

Where were you, JC?’ asks Justin, but JC shakes his head.

I´ll tell you in a minute. Let´s get this sorted first.’ JC looks better, his hair is damp, curling at the nape of his neck, and he´s wearing a t-shirt from Lance´s case. Each one of JC´s knuckles is covered in a brightly coloured band-aid printed with pictures of penguins, and he shows them to Chris -- fingers splayed -- as he gets himself comfortable.

Joey empties the bag onto his lap and Chris sees medical supplies and a _lot_ of snack food. Joey rummages through it and throws a box of painkillers at JC, who catches it and pops out enough tablets for him and Chris. They swallow them dry, then Chris sits back and watches as Joey passes around food. There are chips, candy and drinks, and Chris´ stomach rumbles as Joey passes him a large packet of chips and a bottle of soda.

I got you the kind of chips that melt in your mouth; I figured it´d be easier on your jaw.’

Chris smiles his thanks and pulls open the packet, then lets the chips dissolve on his tongue. JC is eating chips too, sucking at his fingers after each one, while Joey, Lance and Justin eat M&Ms from large packets.

Did you have money from your magazines sales?’ Chris asks, then stares at Joey when he looks away.

No. Wewell. It´s just’ says Joey, then Lances answers Chris´ question.

What he´s trying to say is we stole them. Joey distracted the assistant and I took what we needed.’ Lance sounds as if it´s something that they do everyday, but it´s not, and Chris looks from Lance to Joey, objection forming in his mind. Don´t even Chris. We need this stuff and I´d do it again in an instant.’

Lance´s expression is obstinate. Chris wants to challenge him, but he knows Lance is right. It still doesn´t make it _feel_ right, and Chris eyes his chips, debating pushing them to one side before his practical side takes over.

Just don´t do it again, okay.’ Chris warns, as he keeps on eating chips, trying to push away the feelings of hypocrisy. Lance doesn´t answer, just keeps on eating M&Ms.

So you gonna tell us now?’ Justin asks. He´s looking at JC, and JC looks back at him before eating the last chip and emptying the crumbs into his mouth.

I guess,’ JC replies as he carefully folds the packet up, pushing it toward the back of the shelter. It´s not that big a deal. I was just about to put the flames on my picture, did you see it? My theme was innocence consumed by fire; I didn´t even finish it.’

And?’ Lance prompts, when it looks like JC is going to dwell on the unfinished nature of his picture.

I was bending over, thinking about how nicely the red was contrasting with the darkness of the sidewalk, then someone grabbed me by the arm.’ JC rubs at his arm as he speaks, and Chris tenses, thinking about Elroy´s fat fingers on JC´s skin. I thought I was being mugged again, but when I looked it was that bastard Elroy. He pulled me up and said we were going for a walk. Then he stepped on my chalks; he ground them into the sidewalk on purpose.’

There´s a painful silence in the shelter as JC stops talking and Chris´ fingers clench into fists as JC searches for the right words. There was this other guy with him, big and stupid looking, so I had to go with them.’

Did they hurt you?’ asks, Joey, and Chris prepares himself for the answer, knowing if JC says yes, he´ll hunt Elroy down and kill him.

No,’ replies JC, and he turns to Chris, staring at him. They made me walk to our park. He said he´d killed you and I didn´t believe him, then he showed me this knife and it had blood on and I was so mad. No one touches you, no one! I don´t think he expected me to punch him, but I did. I imagined him sticking that knife in you and lashed out. You should have seen me, Chris. You would have been proud.’

I´m always proud,’ says Chris, and it´s true.

JC smiles and kisses Chris quickly on his cheek. I know. Anyway, he fell and I ran. His friend chased me for a long time; I had to jump in the stream at the park to get away in the end. I wanted to come home hours ago, but I didn´t want to lead him here if they were hanging around. So I sat on a park bench and waited.’

You did good, man.’ says, Joey, but JC shakes his head.

No. Really, it was instinct more than anything. He sounded so happy about hurting Chris, I lashed out.’ Reaching for Chris, JC links hands as he finishes his story. I knew you weren´t dead, that was the only thing that gave me the strength to wait.’

You knew?’ Chris questions, and JC nods, looking only at him. I told you I marked you a long time ago. You´re mine, Chris, I´d know if something happened. I would have known in the park if I hadn´t panicked. Nothing will separate us, ever.’

JC sounds convinced and Chris believes him; he´ll be the first person in Chris´ life not to leave him. He´s sure of it.

~*~*~*~

You shouldn´t do this,’ Chris says, looking at Lance as he ducks into the shelter. But Lance doesn´t reply, just sticks his hand down into his magazine bag and pulls out tins of food and small bottles of soda. Lance shoplifts everyday now and Chris worries every time, the worry settling next to the guilt Chris carries for not being able to stop him.

I have to,’ Lance says, and he methodically stacks tins at the side of the shelter. You can´t sing, JC won´t leave you. What are we supposed to do? I´m not gonna let us starve when we can eat.’

It´s wrong,’ Chris says weakly, because he knows Lance is right. They can´t exist on the money that Joey and Lance make, and JC hasn´t left Chris´ side in two weeks.

Maybe it is. Doesn´t mean I´m gonna stop.’ Lance kneels and looks at Chris. Justin smiles when I give him trashy magazines, JC doesn´t look like a walking skeleton anymore. That´s why I do it. Anyway, you can´t tell me you´ve never stolen anything. What about when your mom left?’

I didn´t steal then, either,’ Chris says as he rubs at his belly, trying to conquer the maddening itch that never seems to leave. Lance looks disbelieving and Chris waits for the inevitable questions.

You were what, thirteen when she left? And you´re trying to tell me you came here and didn´t steal. What did you eat?’ Lance asks, and Chris sighs softly, unwilling to dredge up memories that he prefers to be hidden. But Lance is still looking, so Chris decides to tell him something, maybe one of the memories that doesn´t scar so much.

You know I hitched here; it was easy to take food from the trashcans at truck stops, and sometimes people would buy me food. It´s no big deal; when you´re hungry you´ll eat anything.’ Chris says, then wants to look away from the expression on Lance´s face.

You ate from the trash?’

Well, yeah. If you´re starving, you´ll do anything,’ Chris says, then holds up a hand as Lance starts to speak. Anything but steal anyway. It´s not something I can do or agree with.’

Well, I can,’ Lance says. He looks sorry but Chris knows he won´t stop or change his mind. I don´t take much. Food and medicine, I´m hurting no one, Chris.’

Lance walks out and Chris stares at the pile of food, trying to remember the Lance of months ago, but that Lance is long gone, sacrificed for food and survival.

Chris?’ Chris looks up and sees Justin crouching in the doorway. Can I talk to you?’

You are, aren´t you?’ Chris asks, then laughs when Justin looks blank before realisation hits him. Yeah, sure, come in and sit.’

Justin sits next to Chris and starts twisting his t-shirt in his hands. He looks nervous, looking anywhere but at Chris. I wanted to ask. It´s just. You and JC. When, you know. How, when you need, you know, things.’

I haven´t got a clue what you just said, kid,’ says Chris, and he puts his hand over Justin´s, stopping him twisting the material more. Take it slow and ask me again.’

You and JC, you sleep together, right, in _that_ way, I mean.’

If you mean we fuck, yeah, we do. Not for a while though; he seems to think he´ll hurt me if he fucks me. I keep telling him he´s not that fantastic, but he still won´t.’ Chris is relieved to see Justin laugh a little, a smile replacing the frown he´s been wearing.

So where do you get your, uh, supplies?’ Justin blushes and Chris bites at the inside of his bottom lip so he doesn´t laugh. I´ve got one rubber, but I´ve been carrying it around a few years, so I don´t know how good it´ll be.’

How many years?’ asks Chris with curiosity. Justin blushes even redder.

Four,’ he replies and glares when Chris bursts out laughing. I just wanted to be ready. But if you´re going to laugh at me, I´ll ask JC.’

No, I´m sorry,’ says Chris, and he forces himself to stop laughing. Me and JC were tested at the free clinic a couple of years ago, so we don´t use rubbers now. But the clinic gives them out; ask Joey to take you, he goes there for his supplies. They give out sample tubes of lube too; you need that if you´re going to sleep with Lance.’

Who said I´m gonna sleep with Lance?’ Justin says and he buries his head in his hands. I could have slept with him already.’

Remember that day you kept bitching that me and C kept you up all night?’ Chris asks and Justin nods his head. That works both ways.’

Chris feels bad when Justin´s ears turn bright red, but Justin shakes his head a little, then takes his hands away from his face. So I haven´t slept with him yet; I was waiting for a special time, and it´s his birthday next week so I thought we´d do it then. But if you´re not going to help.’

Hold on there, kid, I never said I wouldn´t help. I think that´s the best present you could give him; he´s a lucky man.’ Justin smiles wide and Chris scratches at his belly again before getting comfortable. Now what do you want to know? And tell me about Bass´ birthday.’

~*~*~*~

Do you think he´ll like it?’ JC asks, and Chris hugs him from behind, linking his hands across JC´s belly.

He´ll love it.’ Chris looks at the picture JC has just finished, with its brilliant colours and painstaking details. JC has been painting it for weeks, sitting up late at night, eyes squinting in the dim light of a torch that Chris held. Now it´s finished, a picture of them all watching a fireworks display, standing shoulder to shoulder as they look at the sky.

Is Justin ready?’ JC smiles and Chris knows he´s thinking of Justin, who´s been jumpy all day.

I think if he was any more ready, he´d burst. He´s gonna come in ten seconds if he doesn´t calm down,’ Chris says, laughing as he remembers how excited Justin is. He´s checked his supplies about fifty times and reminded me twice that we all have to make an excuse and leave after the celebration dinner. I´m sure Lance thinks he´s insane.’

That´s because he _is_ insane.’ Joey looks down from the milk crate he´s standing on. He´s stringing a happy birthday banner made of pizza lids between the two walls, garish letters printed on each lid. At least you didn´t have to take him to the clinic. He didn´t ask _you_ what size condom you wear in the middle of a crowded waiting room.’

I´ll swap you for the _are you sure it´ll fit_ , questions if you like,’ Chris says, and Joey hurries to decline.

Naw, that´s alright, but I´ll pass, thanks. I´ll just be glad when this is over with and he talks about something other than sex.’

Like you´re any better,’ JC says as he carefully props the picture against the shelter. Who was it talking about that _hot young thing_ you took out last week? How good their fingers were and how they hit that spot just right.’

It´s not my fault I´m such a stud,’ Joey says, and he winks as he jumps down from the crate. Then his expression turns serious and he looks from Chris to JC. I´ve some news too. Just don´t tell the kids in case nothing comes of it.’

Joey looks into the distance, foot tapping against the ground. I was asked if I wanted to apply for a paid position in the place I sell magazines for. They said if I get that, there´s a chance I could get one of the assisted housing scheme apartments.’

That´s wonderful news!’ JC says and flings his arms round Joey. Joey nods his head and hugs JC back, but he doesn´t look happy.

What if I apply and get the job, and I go back to how I was before?’ Joey asks. He looks miserable and JC hugs him again. I mean, last time I had regular money I drank it all away. It could happen again.’

It could,’ Chris says, and he moves close to JC and Joey, leaning into both of them. But it wouldn´t. You wouldn´t do that. You´re a different person from who you were then.’

Joey has his mouth open to reply when they hear the fence move.

We´ll talk about this later’, Chris says, and Joey nods as they look to see who´s coming.

He´s coming, he´s coming. Is everything ready?’ Justin shouts as he races around the corner. He´s panting, and points back to the fence with one hand. I told him I needed to use the bathroom. Whoa! You´ve done a great job.’

Chris feels proud; they´ve worked hard to decorate and paper chains made from newspapers hang next to the banner. Chris´ hands are stained by the newsprint, but it´s worth it for the look on Justin´s face.

Justin? Are you okay?’ Lance shouts and they all shuffle into a line, and shout Happy Birthday when Lance walks into view. He jumps, hand to his chest then grins as he looks about.

Whoa, you did this for me? Thank you.’

Justin springs at Lance, holding him tight. Happy birthday! I´ve got a present for you later, but JC´s got one for you now. Show him, JC.’

Justin is almost jumping on the spot as he turns Lance so he can see the picture. JC picks it up and hands it to Lance. It´s us, on that night with the fireworks. Remember, it was so cold and Justin was bitching about his hands and we were going to go home. Then the display started and it was so beautiful. You smiled so much that night.’

I love it,’ says Lance, and he keeps looking at it, holding the square of cardboard as if it´s the most precious painting in the world. Thank you.’

No problem,’ says JC, and he kisses Lance on the cheek. Just promise me one thing. When you look at it, you remember you used to smile, and used to have fun.’

Lance stays silent, then nods as he wipes his hand quickly across his eyes. Chris takes that as his cue and gestures to Joey, who goes into his shelter. Hey, Bass. We´ve got another present for you.’

Lance looks at Chris, then past him to Joey, and his mouth drops open when he sees what Joey has in his hands. It´s a small cake, decorated with chocolate frosting and a lit candle that flickers from the middle. Chris starts to sing Happy Birthday’ and they all join in as Lance stands mute. As they finish, Justin leans into Lance.

Make a wish.’ And Lance blows out the candle before shutting his eyes. His lips move slightly and Chris wonders what he´s wishing for; not that he´ll ask. Some things have to be private.

You ready to go?’ Joey says and Lance looks at him with surprise. Joey hugs him, holding him tight, then pulls back. Not you, hot shot, we´re going to the park. _You´re_ staying here.’

But the cake, and Chris, you can´t walk that far yet,’ Lance says and he looks from Chris to the cake that Joey´s passed to Justin.

The cake´s for you and Justin; as for me, I´m fine, really,’ Chris says and hugs Lance. He reaches for JC´s hand, linking their fingers together, and slowly starts to walk before calling back. Enjoy your present.’

They´re almost to the fence when Justin runs to Chris; bending, he whispers, _are you sure it´ll fit?_ , and Chris nods, laughing when Justin gives him a thumbs up and runs away.

I´ll bet a packet of chips he blows before he gets a rubber on,’ jokes Joey.

Chris thinks about it then shakes his head. I don´t do sucker bets.’

They all laugh, then fall silent when they hear a deep groan. Within seconds they´re on the other side of the fence.

~*~*~*~

Hey, do you like this?’ Justin asks, and twirls into a complicated dance move that spins him across the sidewalk, hips moving like liquid. A group of people burst into applause and throw coins into Chris´ hat as Justin beams.

Not bad,’ Chris replies and bites back a grin when Justin turns to him, expression outraged.

Not bad?!’ Justin glares at Chris a little, then hits him on the shoulder when Chris grins. You´re an ass.’

But you love me anyway.’

Justin doesn´t reply and looks away. Chris shrugs and is about to start singing again when Justin looks at him. I do. Love you, I mean. Not like, you know, I love Lance. But I do love you.’

Chris looks at Justin, words failing him. He doesn´t let many people past his walls; it´s easier that way. He still remembers crying himself to sleep for months after his mom left with his step-father and sisters. Chris decided then, you don´t get hurt if you don´t care in the first place. But first JC, then Joey breached those rules, pushing their way into his affections. Now as Justin stands looking at Chris, little more than a baby, forehead creased in worry, Chris knows those walls have been breached again.

It goes both ways, kid,’ Chris says. Justin doesn´t move at first, but Chris hears him let out a deep breath before he springs at Chris, long arms and legs locking round Chris´ body. He clings on, and Chris hugs back, uncaring of the crowd that watches.

Erm, I´ll get the money, okay?’ Justin says at last, cheeks tinged with red, and lets go, dropping to his knees and sorting through the coins in the hat. Chris sighs, then looks across the street to where JC is working. They work in a team now, united against the threat of Elroy. It cuts into the money they make -- people don´t want to throw money in every hat they see -- but at least Chris knows JC´s safe.

JC is lying on his belly, drawing as fast as he can. His hair keeps falling in his face, so he pushes it back with impatient movements and Chris knows he´ll soon tie it back with a piece of yellow ribbon he keeps in his sunflower bag. The bag they washed so carefully, sponging blood stains from the fabric. Chris doesn´t know what JC´s drawing; it´s a blur of reds and gold from where he´s standing, but he´s knows JC will jump to his feet soon and drag him across the road to see the masterpiece. He does it every day, hand warm in Chris´ -- explaining colours and themes as Chris stares. Every night Chris has hands stained with colour, passed from JC´s hands to his own; he doesn´t remember what it´s like to walk home with clean palms; instead they´re pink and blue or some other colour and Chris loves it that way.

Chris!’ Turning, Chris sees Joey running up the sidewalk, two bags slung over his shoulder. Joey looks frantic and he drops the bags to the ground when he reaches Chris, bending over and gasping for breath. Chris feels his stomach drop; he knows Joey doesn´t get flustered like this for no reason.

Lancehe´s, they´vein a police car.’ Joey manages to force the words out and Chris feels his whole body go cold as he deciphers their meaning.

What about Lance?’ Justin demands, and he´s staring at Joey, utter fear on his face. What about him? Come on, Joey!’

Justin,’ Chris says, reaching for Justin´s arm, feeling the tremors that run through it. Let Joey speak.’

Joey looks at Chris when he talks, ignoring Justin, who looks like he wants to shake the words out of him. We were coming to meet you all, and he said he wanted some candy and was going to get some from a shop in Bannister Street. I told him not to go, Chris. You have to believe that, but he went anyway.’ Joey stops talking and rubs a hand across his eyes. You know what he´s like, won´t take no for an answer. He gave me his bag and ran off. When I got there, he was coming out of the shop, then this guard grabbed him outside the door and hauled him back in. The fucker was built; there was no way Lance could get away.’

So you should have went in and got him.’ Justin jerks his arm away from Chris and turns to Joey. You should have gone in and helped him get away.’

And done what, Justin? When I looked in the store, he was already cuffed to the guard. There was nothing I could do.’

So you left him!’ Justin shouts, and Chris gets ready to grab him if he starts swinging at Joey. How could you do that? How!?’

Do you think I wanted to?’ Joey yells, then his shoulders slump and he looks at Chris. There wasn´t anything I could do. He saw me when they took him to the car, and he looked so scared. But I couldn´t do anything. There was nothing I could do, Chris.’

I know. It´s okay,’ Chris says, even though he knows it´s not okay at all. He´s desperately trying to think what to do, how to get to see Lance, but he can´t think of a thing.

JC Lance,’ Justin says, and Chris looks and sees JC standing close to Justin.

I know. I heard,’ says JC and he hugs Justin. We´ll get him back.’

Chris wants to ask how. How can they get Lance back when they could be arrested for vagrancy as soon as they set foot in the police station? Going there is a huge risk, but as Chris looks at Justin, he knows it´s a risk he has to take.

This is what we´re going to do. Joey, Justin, JC, you can all wait at that park near the station. That way they can´t arrest you for loitering. I´ll go in and see if I can find out what´s happening.’

What? No, you can´t.’ JC stops hugging Justin and looks at Chris. What happens if you go in there and get arrested too? You stay with Justin and Joey and I´ll go.’

No way, JC,’ Chris says and means it. JC locked up is something Chris won´t even think about. You need to stay here. I´ll go in, ask what´s going on and be out of there in minutes.’

Do you think they´ll tell you anything?’ asks Justin. He looks painfully young, pressed tight against JC, and Chris wants to lie and say things will be fine. But he can´t promise anything and Justin needs to know that.

I don´t know. I wish I did.’ Chris moves to JC and Justin, hugging them both, then pulls back and motions to Joey to join them. Joey shakes his head, but Chris won´t take no for an answer, and stares until Joey shrugs and walks over, joining the huddle.

I can´t promise that I´ll bring Lance back with me, but I can promise I´ll do the best I can,’ says Chris.

Justin nods. I know you will. I trust you.’

With those words Chris feels the weight on his shoulders double.

~*~*~*~

Justin holds onto Chris´ t-shirt as they walk, hand fisted into the material. People stare, but Chris stares back until they look away. If Justin needs to hold onto him he can, the same way no one is going to take Lance´s magazine bag from Justin. Not that they´d be able to, Justin has it slung over his shoulder and keeps touching the strap with his free hand.

JC walks with Joey, and Chris can hear him whispering that it wasn´t Joey´s fault and Lance will be fine. Words that are hard to believe, but words that soothe anyway.

Chris.’ Justin doesn´t look at Chris, just keeps looking ahead. They won´t lock him up, will they? He didn´t take much, that´s okay right?’

It depends. He could get a warning I guess. That´s what I´m hoping for, anyway,’ Chris replies.

I don´t want him to go to jail, Chris,’ Justin says. His hand twists in Chris t-shirt again, pulling the material tight, and Chris puts his hand on Justin´s.

Neither do I.’ Chris wants to say more, but the police station is in sight and the words don´t want to squeeze through his dry throat. He tries not to walk past the building if he can. There are too many memories contained inside its walls.

Are you sure you want to do this?’ JC moves next to Chris, bodies close as they all look at the station. If you get detained’

I won´t,’ Chris replies, then quickly squeezes JC´s hand. I´ll be careful; wait for me, okay?’

As long as it takes.’ JC tries to smile, but only the corner of his mouth rises before he walks away. Joey follows him after clapping Chris on the back, leaving Justin, who still stands holding Chris´ t-shirt.

If you see him, tell him I love him,’ Justin says, then hurries away, leaving Chris standing alone.

Chris takes a deep breath, then looks at the other three who´re watching from the other side of the road; he waves once, then walks to the station. He feels edgy and uncomfortable as he approaches, as if everyone is watching him, wondering what this grubby man dressed all in black could want. Chris wants to lower his head and look at the floor; instead he straightens his shoulders and walks along the sidewalk with his head held high.

No one stops him as he walks up the steps to the station, but with each step Chris expects to feel a heavy hand on his shoulder. His skin itches and it´s an effort not to run, but he pushes open the door and steps inside.

The building is hot and noisy; uniformed officers roam the floor and everyone seems to be talking at once. Chris looks to see if he can see Lance, but it´s not that easy -- he doesn´t expect it to be. Seeing the nearest policeman is busy at the desk, Chris quietly walks past; no one watches him and he hopes he´s slipping under the radar as he walks the length of the room.

Chris.’

Turning quickly, Chris sees Lance sitting next to a desk. His hands are cuffed in front of him and he smiles fleetingly as Chris looks at him.

Are you okay?’ Chris asks, then moves so he´s closer to Lance.

I´m fine, just, you know.’ Lance holds his hands up and shrugs. Chris hates seeing them, and wants nothing more than to get Lance and run. But Chris also knows that´s an incredibly bad idea, so he looks around again, checking if anyone is looking his way before moving so he´s standing next to Lance.

Have they said what they´re going to do?’

I´ve got to pay for what I stole, about two dollars plus a hundred dollar fine.’ Lance looks at Chris, disgust clear on his face. Busted for some candy bars. I´m so stupid.’

Not going to disagree with you there,’ Chris says, but he smiles as he says it. So we need one hundred and two dollars; we can do that. Or I could ask Sally, I´m sure she´d help’

Chris.’ Lance cuts Chris off. He´s looking at Chris blankly, no expression on his face. It´s over; I can´t go anywhere.’

What? It´s a fine, Lance, I´ll get the money and you´ll be out of here. I promise you.’

No. It´s not that; I know you could do it. It´s just’ Lance squeezes his eyes shut and Chris touches his hand, fingers resting on cold metal and warm skin. They phoned my parents, Chris. They ran my name and a missing person report came up. He´s phoning my momma now  and Justin´s.’

Chris feels sick and his fingers dig into Lance´s hand. Lance is going home, Chris knows that for a fact. He could convince him to run, but that´s not the right thing to do. Lance needs a warm bed and good food. He doesn´t need a cold shelter and a criminal record. The facts run through Chris´ head at lightening speed. Homeless against home. Food against hunger. Chris would tell Lance to wait for his mom in a heartbeat except for one thing -- Justin.

It´s the biggest reason Lance should try and stay, so they can be together, laughing and talking. Or play on the swings and eat hot soup, Justin´s laughter filling their lives. Chris can´t imagine life without Lance, no more groans in the night and good natured teasing in the mornings when Lance and Justin emerge from their shelter, stiff-legged, Justin´s curls standing on end and hickies scattered on their bodies.

But Justin´s also the biggest reason Lance should go. Chris has heard too many stories about Justin´s mom, spent too many nights listening as Lance comforts Justin as he cries for what he left behind. Chris sees the kid disappear from Justin a little more each day, and he knows he has to stop it. Justin needs a childhood, and Lance needs to go before he changes more than he already has. Before he becomes more jaded and slips further into a life of petty crime; and he will; Chris knows the signs.

Chris prefers the man Lance used to be; with his ready smile and sly comments, not the person Lance is now. Who thinks stealing is right and doesn´t even hesitate to take what he wants. Chris has tried to stop the change, protecting them both to the best of his ability, but day by day he´s watched as Justin becomes old before his time and Lance retreats behind a hard shell.

Months ago, Chris thought he could protect them better than any shelter, and he still thinks that; but it´s not enough. They need to go home, and Chris will make sure that happens, even if it breaks his heart to do so.

It´s best this way, right?’ Lance questions, and Chris sees the real Lance at last; young and scared as he looks at Chris for reassurance.

It is,’ Chris replies, and he believes it.

Lance looks at Chris with eyes that shimmer with unshed tears. I´m going home, Chris.’

’I know, so´s Justin.’

Lance slowly nods his head, and Chris looks around again, then hugs Lance briefly. Look us up one day.’ Then he walks away before his luck runs out. He doesn´t look back, just keeps going until he´s outside, then stands frozen on the sidewalk.

Chris. Chris. Did you see him?’ Justin asks and Chris blinks, wondering when he got there. Did you see him?’

Yeah.’

And, when´s he coming out?’

He´s not.’ Chris can´t look at Justin, has to turn away and face JC who´s standing close. They ran his name and a missing persons report came up for you and him. They´re calling your mom´s now.’

My mom´s coming here?’ Justin asks, and Chris turns back to him. She knows where I am? She´ll take me back, Chris.’

I know. It´s time you went back, kid.’

No. I want to stay here, with you all and Lance.’ Justin starts to yell, and Chris hopes no one comes to see what the fuss is. You can´t make me go back.’

I know. But do you really want to be here without him?’ Chris hates the way Justin looks at him, and it´s only JC´s hand on his back that stops him charging back for Lance.

No. No, I don´t,’ Justin whispers. He looks from Chris to the station and back again. I love him.’

And he loves you, very much,’ JC says; he reaches for Justin with one hand, pulling him close until he can whisper _It´s time to go_ . Chris feels his heart break as Justin looks at them all, expression stunned.

My mom´s coming?’ Justin asks, voice so quiet Chris can hardly hear.

They were phoning her; do you think she´ll stay away?’

I miss my mom,’ Justin says, and he rubs at his eyes. I miss her so much.’

We know.’ Joey puts a hand on Justin´s shoulder. I´m going to miss you like crazy, but I agree. You need to go home.’

Will you come in with me?’ Justin looks at Chris, but Joey answers.

I´ll take you. I can watch until you´re with Lance at least.’

Okay,’ Justin says, then he grabs at Chris and JC, pulling them into a tight hug. Chris can feel Justin´s hand on his back and curls against his cheek. He can also feel tears on his face, even if he doesn´t know whose they are. Thank you, for everything.’ Justin pulls back at last. He doesn´t say anymore; just walks to the steps, Joey walking behind him.

Chris hears him say _I´m going home_ , and watches until the door swings shut behind them. It´s only JC´s murmured _oh honey_ that stops him bawling on the sidewalk like a baby.

~*~*~*~

I don´t want you to go,’ Joey says. He doesn´t look at Chris, just keeps folding and refolding the same two t-shirts before putting them on a shelf.

I know,’ Chris replies tiredly. They´ve repeated this conversation over and over and it never gets any easier. Joey is standing, head down, so Chris goes to him and holds him around his waist, head pressed against Joey´s chest. Me and JC need to do this; we want to swim in the ocean and watch sunsets, see all the things we´ve only heard about. There´s so much to see out there, Joey.’

I´m scared,’ Joey whispers the words, and Chris tightens his grip. What if I fail again?’

You won´t. You´re strong, Joey. Look around you. Look at what you´ve achieved; you´ve been dry for a long time, have a job and an apartment. _You_ did that.’ Chris falls silent. He´s so proud of Joey, more proud than words can ever convey.

You can stay here, you and JC can have the bedroom and I´ll take the couch. I´ll get you a job; we´ll be good.’ Joey sounds desperate and Chris hates saying no, but he has to.

I know you would, but no. JC wants to find himself, and where he goes, I go.’

Why can´t he find himself here?’ Joey protests, but Chris knows he understands. Joey´s been there when JC talks of finding the beauty in the world, seen the way JC´s face lights up when he talks about capturing the good things on paper. You´re coming back?’

I promise,’ Chris says, then gasps when Joey hugs him hard, squeezing all air out of his lungs.

I´m going to miss you both so much.’ Joey pulls back from Chris and looks down at him. First Lance and Justin, now you and JC. You´re all leaving me behind.’

For now, but me and JC will be back. You´ll see Lance and Justin again too,’ Chris says, then smiles at Joey before going to the window, pushing aside the yellow fabric JC has hung. The sun shines brightly in the sky and the heat makes the ground shimmer in waves. Chris can feel the sweat pooling on his back already, and he knows it´ll get worse when they start hitchhiking, where the fumes of the traffic would heat things up even more. But Chris is eager to go; he wants to see some of the world with JC at his side, to be shown that life isn´t grey, but a kaleidoscope of colours.

You think they´ll come back?’ Chris takes a few seconds to realise that Joey means Lance and Justin, but when he does, he nods his head and lets the make-shift drapes fall back into place.

They´ll be back. You´ve got their stuff, haven´t you?’ Chris indicates Lance´s case which stands in the corner of Joey´s apartment with Justin´s bag lying on top. The painting JC did for Lance´s birthday is leaning against it, a burst of colour against the drab walls. Chris stares at it, remembering Lance´s face as JC presented it, and his face the next day when he was given a round of applause after crawling out of his and Justin´s box. We did the right thing, right?’

Joey´s quiet for a long time after the question, and Chris imagines he´s remembering the days after the kids went home too. Dark, painful days that Chris tries to forget. You saw their faces, what do you think?’

Chris sits on the couch, careful to sit on the seat with no springs poking through, and remembers waiting in the park, Joey and JC wrapped around him like human blankets. Justin and Lance had walked out of the station many hours later, hand in hand, their moms at their sides. They´d looked tired but happy, and it´s their faces Chris pictures now, the smiles and hugs as they climbed into a car before driving out of sight. We did the right thing.’

We did.’ Joey sits next to Chris, laughing when the couch wobbles alarmingly. You sure you don´t want to leave a letter, you know, in case they do come back?’

They´ll be back, and no, it´s okay. JC´s took care of that.’

Okay.’ Joey looks puzzled, but doesn´t ask more. Talking of JC, where is he? I thought he was coming here before you go.’

He is. He´s outside; he needed to finish something.’ Chris grins, then jumps to his feet. In fact, he should be done. Come on.’

Grabbing Joey´s hand, Chris pulls him up, then goes outside. JC´s sitting cross-legged on the sidewalk; in front of him is a large painting, and Chris hears Joey gasp as he looks at it.

It´s for you, for your apartment. Me and Chris did it,’ JC says, and Chris laughs.

Yeah, right, I coloured some parts in, that´s all.’

It was still done by me and you,’ JC says, then he turns to Joey who´s staring at the painting with his mouth open. I thought you could look at this and remember how far you´ve come. It´s done with love, Joey, every stroke.’

Joey says nothing and Chris understands why. The painting is magnificent, starting colourless on one side then merging into brilliant colour. Chris, JC, Joey, Lance and Justin stand in the foreground, grinning at some private joke. JC has his arm round Chris and Lance is holding Justin´s hand, but they all touch Joey in some way, who stands in the middle, arms draped over their shoulders.

I love it,’ Joey says, then hugs JC and Chris, pulling them both close so they stand in a tight group. You´re the best friends I´ve ever had.’

Ditto,’ says Chris, and JC agrees by kissing Joey´s cheek, then they separate, and Chris knows it´s time to go. He tries to find the words, but Joey understands.

I´ll be waiting for you all.’ Joey kisses Chris on his forehead and does the same to JC, then picks up his picture and walks to his door. You´d better go, gather some memories for me, okay.’ Then he turns and walks inside, bright blue chalk handprints of different sizes clear on the back of his t-shirt.

Chris reaches for JC´s hand and holds it tight, fingers entwined. They´ll be back one day, but there´s a long journey ahead, and he knows JC is going to be at his side every step of the way.

  


  
**Epilogue**   


Are you sure you don´t want me to come?’

Justin shakes his head at his mom in irritation, stopping when Lance pokes him in the side. We´ll be fine. You can meet them after; we just want to see them alone first.’

Lynn still seems unsure, but slowly nods her head after looking at Diane who´s standing next to her. Okay, you can go. But I don´t know what you´re so worried about, I´m not going to attack them or anything.’

That´s not what you said before,’ Justin says as looks at his mom. You were going to gut them all and hang their entrails on a tree if I remember correctly.’

I was mad, honey. You´d been gone for so long, and all we´d had was a postcard and a few messages passed to us. What did you expect me to do? Thank them for keeping you?’

Justin feels bad as he watches his mom, how sad she looks as she remembers the time he and Lance were gone. I´m sorry. It´s just. They saved us, Mom. Lance and I would have been dead within a week if it wasn´t for them.’

Lance nods in agreement and Justin sees both moms shudder at the thought of their children being dead.

Okay, you can go, we´ll wait here for you,’ Diane says and Justin jumps on the balls of his feet, wanting to yell and cheer. But he doesn´t; he has to prove to his mom he´s mature. But still, he´s going to see Chris, JC and Joey.

Come on, Lance,’ Justin yells. He can´t wait any longer and pushes Lance to get him moving. Lance grumbles, but Justin knows how eager he really is. It´s all they talk about at night, when Lance sits with Justin watching TV and talking about everything they did and the three people who became as close as family.

I´m coming,’ Lance says, and he runs after Justin. The shelters are just around the corner and Justin imagines how Joey will be sorting his magazines, and Chris lying next to JC until they stumble out with mussed hair and sleepy eyes.

They reach the loose fence section, and Lance pushes it aside while they crawl in. Justin can feel the excitement build up in him. He imagines Chris´ face when they tell him that Lance´s parents are setting Lance up with his own small apartment in the city, somewhere he never has to worry about small town bullies, and the way JC´s eyes will light up when he´s told Justin and Lance have seen each other every day since they left and their love grows each one. Then the grin Joey will have when Justin says he´s moving to the city too, with his mom, and he´s going to school so he can make something of himself.

Justin´s about to yell when Lance puts a hand over his mouth. Let´s surprise them.’

It´s a great idea and Justin nods, he´s grinning so much his face hurts as he walks around the corner, bracing himself for yells and hugs. But the grin slips from his face as he looks around.

There´s obviously no one there. The shelters still stand, but they´re dark and empty inside. The CDs still chime together, shining in the morning sun, but nothing can disguise how empty it is. Justin´s legs shake and he reaches for Lance, holding his arm in a desperate grip.

They´ve gone, Lance,’ Justin can´t look away from the empty shelters, then another thought fills his mind. Elroy! What if he, they could be’

No. Look,’ Lance interrupts and points to the wall opposite the shelters. It used to be filled with JC´s drawings, but now there´s only one. It looks fresh and Justin runs a gentle finger across it, half smiling as his skin gets covered in blue chalk.

Lance touches it too, then looks at his blue palm before linking hands with Justin. They look at the picture, a golden phoenix rising from the ashes, while in the background five figures watch, highlighted against a blazing sun. Justin reads the words that are written underneath, tears streaming unheeded down his face.

 _Justin, Lance. I know you´ll see this, because I know you´ll come back one day. The ties that bind us are too strong to break._

You´re probably be sad now, don´t be. We´ve all moved on, like the phoenix we´ve risen from the ashes; all in our own special way. Joey has his own place now; he has a job and everything. Lance, ask Heather at the magazine place where he lives; she´ll tell you. He wants to see you both so much; we all do.

Chris and I are on our own journey now. He needs to see that beauty is real, not just something that lives in my head. Chris is my inspiration, the reason I keep on going, and I want to prove to him how beautiful he is. We´re going to find ourselves but we´ll be back, never forget that. We love you all too much to stay away.

I won´t say goodbye because it´s not. Hug each other for me then go and hug Joey.

See you soon, JC.

Justin wipes his eyes with his fists, then rests his head against Lance´s shoulder. They´ll come back, right?’

Lance kisses Justin´s head. JC said they would, didn´t he?’

Justin doesn´t reply; he doesn´t have to. They know they´ll come back, it´s just a matter of when. But they can wait. They´re not kids anymore. Until then, there´s still Joey to see.

Come on.’ Justin touches the picture once more then walks away. They´ve got a lot to tell Joey.


End file.
